Wow... it's amazing how taking just three measly little weeks off has turned me into a whining simpering baby. I swear. I've found myself cowering in corners and rocking back and forth trying to make myself feel better, but unfortunately to no avail. Ok, ok, so fine. It hasn't been THAT bad... but I did spend a sleepless night last night because I just could NOT get comfortable on my sore shoulders. No, seriously. One shoulder would go numb and my fingers would tingle and I'd roll over and then the other shoulder... I tried sleeping on the back, the front... the whole nine yards, but no avail. Pretty sad state of affairs huh?
Regardless, I still got in four days last week. Friday's snatch/pull-up/push-up fest should have been better thought out, but hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it? Friday's wod went like this.
12 snatch/24 pull-ups/48 push-ups
9 snatch/18 pull-ups/36 push-ups
6 snatch/12 pull-ups/24 push-ups
3 snatch/6 pull-ups/12 push-ups
I got this in in just under 24 minutes. Not great, but by no means one of the fastest times of the day. I mean, honestly, to be fair, I did the heaviest weight, I haven't worked out in 3 weeks, and we all KNOW that push-ups and I just for whatever reason don't get along... so truthfully this wasn't all THAT bad. :P
I had to rest Wednesday and Thursday though before I could do this on Friday because I was so sore. After I did this though, I wound up getting wickedly sore for Saturday. I still came in despite a slight alarm clock/clock fail and did max back squats X 3. I hit 3 X 200 so I was pretty pleased with that. Good to know that after a 3 week hiatus my speed may be in the crapper but my strength is still pretty good. It'd probably be even better if I'd stop drinking Starbucks, but I SWEAR they put crack in that stuff!!! Ah well... still too wicked sore to hit a wod today especially since it involves hspu's but maybe tomorrow..... we'll see how I sleep tonight before I decide....
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Back at it...
Yesterday marked my official return to the workout world, and I have to say, I could have picked a better day to come back after a 3 week hiatus. Nothing like a 30 minute AMRAP to make you think there may not be a God and that Satan has overtaken CF. Ok, so maybe it wasn't THAT bad but it still sucked a lot. I went in this morning too to hit a second wod this week and took it somewhat light on a heavy deadlift day. I haven't deadlifted in over a month, and haven't attempted a 1RM since the scene at the CF Regionals in Ohio. Part of that is because I don't like deadlifts, and part of that has to do with the fact that I pretty royally messed my back up in Ohio with my 300lb max effort and the following attempt at 305.
I have to say it felt a little weird to be back. I've taken a lot of time to rest and relax and getting back into old habits just feels a little odd. It's sort of like putting on a pair of shoes you haven't worn in awhile. They certainly still fit but they rub a little bit differently because you're not used to wearing them. I'm sure I'll hit a few more workouts this week and we'll see how things go, but for now I'm just getting back into things while still taking it easy. (I want to be able to walk the rest of the week...) For those of you who enjoy reading my wods and doing them on your own... here's yesterday's... (I'm pretty sure you can figure out how to do today's 1RM deadlift... just guessin'! :P)
AMRAP in 30 minutes
400 M run
15 pull-ups
15 ring dips
XX OHS (number depending upon weight)
OHS Weight and Rep Scheme
PVC-30
35-20
55-12
75-9
95-6
Getting back into the working out groove will be interesting, especially since I'm down to JUST my restaurant job now and my schedule there is completely unpredictable. Doubles, off, day, night... I bounce all over the place. It's weird to be down to JUST one job. I can't tell you the last time that happened. I honestly think it was last summer. Because once school started I had two, three, and for a brief while in there, there were 4 jobs all running concurrently. It's WEIRD. I'm finding I now have a lot of free time if I don't work during the day, so I'm certainly going to need to find some things to do during that time to remain productive so that I don't wind up landing myself in hot water. Me + free time = bad idea. I still have a whole stack of books beside my bed from last summer's reading bucket list. I think I'll start there, but after that, who knows!??!?
On a separate note though, I really need dating help. No, I'm seriously not joking. I really do. About a month ago, I wrote a little blurb in my blog about dating that went something like... I met a guy, enjoy his company, want to spend more time together, but f'ed it all sorts of up because I'm a freakin' retard and talk/text all the time. I mean, c'mon, I run a blog for Pete's sake! Obviously I have a LOT to say/share. Fast forward to right before my PA vacation... literally the Sunday night before I left.
I was having a drink with a friend of mine, and he asked me about my love life. I smiled, the way I do when I'm completely bs'ing and said it was fine. I was fine being alone, and that I have accepted the fact that for me, I'm just destined to be on my own. Happiness in that regard is for other people, but not for me. While he was in the restroom I happened to overhear part of a conversation a guy near me was having with the bartender. While my friend was gone I chimed in with my two cents and when my friend returned, the guy decided to continue to talk to me. My friend decided to leave and I wound up alone at the bar with the aforementioned gentleman.
As midnight crept closer, I decided it was time for bed, after all I usually turn into a pumpkin after 10 o'clock so I knew I was pushing it. I paid for the drink on my tab and was about to head out when the guy asked for my number. I will admit that I have no game and I NEVER get hit on by men. NEVER. Given the previous conversation, and the timing, I almost took it as a sign and gave him my number. We talked a lot when I was home in PA and I saw him twice after I returned, but now, I have no idea how to act. I hate to call or text because I'm a frequent overtexter and I know I've already said too much because I've been honest. I feel like I've already blown it because I haven't played games and I've been honest (probably too much so) and told him I like spending time with him. Not to mention, I asked him to do things, which apparently you're NOT supposed to do.
I know the obvious answer is "don't call him/text him, let him call you" but I hate that. I HATE that I have to play some game in order to spend time with someone who I think (now that I know him a little) is pretty kick ass. He is funny and keeps up with my smartassitude pretty well. Again, I'm not saying I think I'm going to marry him, but he's a guy I'd like to see again. So aside from the stop texting/calling, other thoughts? My sister told me that if it's a real thing, it shouldn't be hard and I shouldn't have to try... I'm not sure if this falls into that category or not. It felt easy at first, he didn't seem to mind talking/texting... now it just feels confused... and I'm super upset. Not necessarily because it may not work, but moreso because I'm just tired of going through the wringer and tired of trying to figure all these things out. I honestly just want someone to like me for me and understand that yes, I am talkative, and yes, I do text a lot, but that's just part of my personality. I swear to God, I'm not crazy, but because of my talkative tendencies, I really do come off like the crazy chick. Underneath that though is a really super big heart that would do anything for someone she cared about. Unfortunately, the overtalkative person usually screws things up before I get to the other person figuring out that I have a big heart and am worth hanging out with. Anyone out there better at this than I? Married folks, I'm lookin' at you!!!!!
Ah... well... such is the life of a single twenty-something I suppose.
I have to say it felt a little weird to be back. I've taken a lot of time to rest and relax and getting back into old habits just feels a little odd. It's sort of like putting on a pair of shoes you haven't worn in awhile. They certainly still fit but they rub a little bit differently because you're not used to wearing them. I'm sure I'll hit a few more workouts this week and we'll see how things go, but for now I'm just getting back into things while still taking it easy. (I want to be able to walk the rest of the week...) For those of you who enjoy reading my wods and doing them on your own... here's yesterday's... (I'm pretty sure you can figure out how to do today's 1RM deadlift... just guessin'! :P)
AMRAP in 30 minutes
400 M run
15 pull-ups
15 ring dips
XX OHS (number depending upon weight)
OHS Weight and Rep Scheme
PVC-30
35-20
55-12
75-9
95-6
Getting back into the working out groove will be interesting, especially since I'm down to JUST my restaurant job now and my schedule there is completely unpredictable. Doubles, off, day, night... I bounce all over the place. It's weird to be down to JUST one job. I can't tell you the last time that happened. I honestly think it was last summer. Because once school started I had two, three, and for a brief while in there, there were 4 jobs all running concurrently. It's WEIRD. I'm finding I now have a lot of free time if I don't work during the day, so I'm certainly going to need to find some things to do during that time to remain productive so that I don't wind up landing myself in hot water. Me + free time = bad idea. I still have a whole stack of books beside my bed from last summer's reading bucket list. I think I'll start there, but after that, who knows!??!?
On a separate note though, I really need dating help. No, I'm seriously not joking. I really do. About a month ago, I wrote a little blurb in my blog about dating that went something like... I met a guy, enjoy his company, want to spend more time together, but f'ed it all sorts of up because I'm a freakin' retard and talk/text all the time. I mean, c'mon, I run a blog for Pete's sake! Obviously I have a LOT to say/share. Fast forward to right before my PA vacation... literally the Sunday night before I left.
I was having a drink with a friend of mine, and he asked me about my love life. I smiled, the way I do when I'm completely bs'ing and said it was fine. I was fine being alone, and that I have accepted the fact that for me, I'm just destined to be on my own. Happiness in that regard is for other people, but not for me. While he was in the restroom I happened to overhear part of a conversation a guy near me was having with the bartender. While my friend was gone I chimed in with my two cents and when my friend returned, the guy decided to continue to talk to me. My friend decided to leave and I wound up alone at the bar with the aforementioned gentleman.
As midnight crept closer, I decided it was time for bed, after all I usually turn into a pumpkin after 10 o'clock so I knew I was pushing it. I paid for the drink on my tab and was about to head out when the guy asked for my number. I will admit that I have no game and I NEVER get hit on by men. NEVER. Given the previous conversation, and the timing, I almost took it as a sign and gave him my number. We talked a lot when I was home in PA and I saw him twice after I returned, but now, I have no idea how to act. I hate to call or text because I'm a frequent overtexter and I know I've already said too much because I've been honest. I feel like I've already blown it because I haven't played games and I've been honest (probably too much so) and told him I like spending time with him. Not to mention, I asked him to do things, which apparently you're NOT supposed to do.
I know the obvious answer is "don't call him/text him, let him call you" but I hate that. I HATE that I have to play some game in order to spend time with someone who I think (now that I know him a little) is pretty kick ass. He is funny and keeps up with my smartassitude pretty well. Again, I'm not saying I think I'm going to marry him, but he's a guy I'd like to see again. So aside from the stop texting/calling, other thoughts? My sister told me that if it's a real thing, it shouldn't be hard and I shouldn't have to try... I'm not sure if this falls into that category or not. It felt easy at first, he didn't seem to mind talking/texting... now it just feels confused... and I'm super upset. Not necessarily because it may not work, but moreso because I'm just tired of going through the wringer and tired of trying to figure all these things out. I honestly just want someone to like me for me and understand that yes, I am talkative, and yes, I do text a lot, but that's just part of my personality. I swear to God, I'm not crazy, but because of my talkative tendencies, I really do come off like the crazy chick. Underneath that though is a really super big heart that would do anything for someone she cared about. Unfortunately, the overtalkative person usually screws things up before I get to the other person figuring out that I have a big heart and am worth hanging out with. Anyone out there better at this than I? Married folks, I'm lookin' at you!!!!!
Ah... well... such is the life of a single twenty-something I suppose.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
If it makes you happy, do it!
After a lot of thought and discussion with a few folks, I decided that the best course of action for me at this point was to take one more week off CF before getting back down to business. I just felt that vacation was good, but I felt at the same time that I still needed a little more time before jumping back into working out again. I don't want you to worry though that I've been a completely lazy bum. I did go out for some running this week and also hit the pool for a bit so I'm still doing SOMETHING. While it's certainly not as intense as CF, I'm ok with that because I think for this week it was appropriate.
I am someone who has a very hard time admitting what's really going on with me to the people around me. Seems odd that I can do it in a blog but not to actual people, but hey I suppose we all have our quirks. Regardless, I had a really hard time just admitting that I've been really burnt out. I should have honestly taken the time away from things after regionals, but I didn't. I was too worried about gaining weight and losing progress and not keeping up, that honestly and truly, I just lost sight of things.
Until three weeks ago, I had been going non-stop for about the last nine months or so. I was literally running myself into the ground and my body was telling me that, but I was a little bit on the too stubborn side to listen. Ok, ok, ok, FINE. A lot on the too stubborn side to listen. But, I'm listening now and I think it's a good thing. I'm sure other folks have gone through what I am currently experiencing right now; that period of time where you feel like you should work out, but it's just not enjoyable anymore. I realize and understand fully that not every wod is going to be fun. But when getting out of bed and going to the box feels more like a chore than something you want to do, that's not quite the same. And that's the point that I got to. I didn't want to get out and go. I didn't want to lift another weight. Heavy things, which are my true passion, were not fun. That was another clear sign that things had shifted. My wheelhouse wasn't fun for me anymore.
So for the last three weeks, I've been taking a break. My cardio has taken a hit for sure and I could tell that just by the few runs that I went out for. I know I've fallen pretty far back in the near month I've been off, but you know what, I'm actually ok with that. Getting back to where I was will be a good challenge for me, and it will actually give me a goal, something to work for. That's something I haven't had in awhile.
I know that with CF people spend a lot of time talking about rest days, but I feel like what I've been going through isn't something people ever really address (at least from an HQ standpoint). I know that CF is varied and different, but even with CF being different, I think it's still possible to hit that plateau where you just feel like if you do one more wod you're going to scream. After going through the past several months and making the decisions (and mistakes) I've made, I would highly encourage others who feel the same way to take a bit of a break. There's nothing wrong with going for a bike ride, a swim, a run, or *gasp* a walk, as a way to get exercise. I think sometimes we start to feel that after doing CF, other exercise isn't as good. Almost like it's inferior. I (now) say bah. I think it's good to mix it up, and so long as you are staying active and enjoying yourself, THAT'S what counts. I think in the past 3 weeks, I've enjoyed my workouts more than I have in awhile. I've enjoyed mixing things up and getting out there doing different things.
Working out should make you feel good, not stressed. It shouldn't necessarily always be "fun" but it should be something you enjoy doing, and something that keeps you moving. If you've been reading my blog for awhile now, you may have noticed that there is a definitive shift in my thinking. I've gone from a CF only sort of mindset, to really focusing not on CF, but on being healthy and HAPPY. Quitting my job was the start, but I'm really on a journey to find and do things that will make me happy as well as healthy. If CF doesn't make you happy, then DON'T DO IT. The goal of CF is to make you a healthy individual, but it's not the only thing in the world that will do that. Don't force yourself to do something you don't enjoy, even if you know it's effective. I did that with swimming and wound up absolutely hating something that I had loved for years. Give yourself a break. Try to do other things and see if after awhile you're spirit and enthusiasm for doing what you left aren't renewed. For the first time in a long time, I saw a wod posted the other day and actually almost had the itch to go do it. I think had I not taken the time away that I have, I don't think I would have felt that way about it. So, I'm going with a new motto... if it makes you happy do it! So starting tomorrow... I'm going to go back to CFOT. And if it makes me happy, then I'm going to keep doing it! :) And if not, then we'll cross that bridge when we get there! If it makes you happy, do it!
I am someone who has a very hard time admitting what's really going on with me to the people around me. Seems odd that I can do it in a blog but not to actual people, but hey I suppose we all have our quirks. Regardless, I had a really hard time just admitting that I've been really burnt out. I should have honestly taken the time away from things after regionals, but I didn't. I was too worried about gaining weight and losing progress and not keeping up, that honestly and truly, I just lost sight of things.
Until three weeks ago, I had been going non-stop for about the last nine months or so. I was literally running myself into the ground and my body was telling me that, but I was a little bit on the too stubborn side to listen. Ok, ok, ok, FINE. A lot on the too stubborn side to listen. But, I'm listening now and I think it's a good thing. I'm sure other folks have gone through what I am currently experiencing right now; that period of time where you feel like you should work out, but it's just not enjoyable anymore. I realize and understand fully that not every wod is going to be fun. But when getting out of bed and going to the box feels more like a chore than something you want to do, that's not quite the same. And that's the point that I got to. I didn't want to get out and go. I didn't want to lift another weight. Heavy things, which are my true passion, were not fun. That was another clear sign that things had shifted. My wheelhouse wasn't fun for me anymore.
So for the last three weeks, I've been taking a break. My cardio has taken a hit for sure and I could tell that just by the few runs that I went out for. I know I've fallen pretty far back in the near month I've been off, but you know what, I'm actually ok with that. Getting back to where I was will be a good challenge for me, and it will actually give me a goal, something to work for. That's something I haven't had in awhile.
I know that with CF people spend a lot of time talking about rest days, but I feel like what I've been going through isn't something people ever really address (at least from an HQ standpoint). I know that CF is varied and different, but even with CF being different, I think it's still possible to hit that plateau where you just feel like if you do one more wod you're going to scream. After going through the past several months and making the decisions (and mistakes) I've made, I would highly encourage others who feel the same way to take a bit of a break. There's nothing wrong with going for a bike ride, a swim, a run, or *gasp* a walk, as a way to get exercise. I think sometimes we start to feel that after doing CF, other exercise isn't as good. Almost like it's inferior. I (now) say bah. I think it's good to mix it up, and so long as you are staying active and enjoying yourself, THAT'S what counts. I think in the past 3 weeks, I've enjoyed my workouts more than I have in awhile. I've enjoyed mixing things up and getting out there doing different things.
Working out should make you feel good, not stressed. It shouldn't necessarily always be "fun" but it should be something you enjoy doing, and something that keeps you moving. If you've been reading my blog for awhile now, you may have noticed that there is a definitive shift in my thinking. I've gone from a CF only sort of mindset, to really focusing not on CF, but on being healthy and HAPPY. Quitting my job was the start, but I'm really on a journey to find and do things that will make me happy as well as healthy. If CF doesn't make you happy, then DON'T DO IT. The goal of CF is to make you a healthy individual, but it's not the only thing in the world that will do that. Don't force yourself to do something you don't enjoy, even if you know it's effective. I did that with swimming and wound up absolutely hating something that I had loved for years. Give yourself a break. Try to do other things and see if after awhile you're spirit and enthusiasm for doing what you left aren't renewed. For the first time in a long time, I saw a wod posted the other day and actually almost had the itch to go do it. I think had I not taken the time away that I have, I don't think I would have felt that way about it. So, I'm going with a new motto... if it makes you happy do it! So starting tomorrow... I'm going to go back to CFOT. And if it makes me happy, then I'm going to keep doing it! :) And if not, then we'll cross that bridge when we get there! If it makes you happy, do it!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Where in the world is Katie?
For the first time since regionals, my schedule has finally allowed me to leave VA. I know. That sounds pretty insane, but for three months I was contractually obligated to stay in VA and not leave the Alexandria area basically. With swim meets on weekends and practices on Mondays that I wasn't supposed to miss, it was hard to get away and just shut things out for a hot minute.
I'm not someone who deals well with change, I will wholeheartedly own up to that. Almost as soon as I decided to be brave and leave teaching, a whole host of other changes came my way and pretty soon I felt like I was getting buried. My two roommates have left my house, leaving me with change there. I'm not angry with them for that because they need to do what's best for their lives and their careers. It does suck however that at the same time I got slammed with two new roommates I don't know. They both seem nice and like really cool people, but learning to live with two new people and two different set of quirks/schedules/habits can be a wee bit stressful. On top of that there were pressures from my schedule which despite being down to two jobs was still driving me insane. I was getting more time to myself, but it was coming in weird chunks, and I was always running. I'd do morning practice, then have three hours to myself until I either had to go to the restaurant, or drive a half hour again back down to Mt. Vernon. It really sucked a lot more than I thought it would.
To throw yet another monkey wrench in there, I finally gave up on a relationship that I probably should have given up on months/years ago, but for whatever reason, just couldn't. Despite the fact that I know it was the right thing, it still sucked. Not to mention, those friends who promised not to lose touch when I left teaching have continued to see each other, but not me. God bless Facebook for showing me all their fun outtings right? It hurt to see, and it hurt to feel excluded... but what hurt more was the fact that I felt like I couldn't talk about it. I didn't want to admit to anyone that I wasn't ok, that I wasn't reveling in the amazing choices that I had made and I wasn't a whole new and totally happy person. I pushed everything down and did what I always do. I worked. I ignored it as if it didn't exist, and I worked.
The only problem with supressing that much stuff is that it's bound to resurface at some point. When there is that much "stuff", it's not going to stay down forever, and it didn't. I tried very hard to just keep going and working out and doing everything people wanted me to do and all the things I was supposed to do, but it was a big challenge. And somewhere admist all this "stuff", CF stopped being fun. It wound up being another stresser again.
To be honest, I think that after regionals I should have taken more time away from CF. I was pretty burnt then on CF, but here's a truth about me. I have a huge weight issue, and to be honest, I was afraid, and still am, that if I take the necessary time away from CF to get back to where it's fun again, I'm going to gain a lot of weight. CF has been the only thing that has ever helped me fight that battle, and I guess I have this fear that the second I stop CF, I'm going to put it all right back on. I know that that is totally illogical, but still... it floats in the back of my head. A few weeks ago, I started spending more time in the pool while there with the team because I wanted to get in some extra work, and because there were days where I just didn't want to go do another metcon or run or do more double unders. I felt like I needed to do something to get some exercise in and help keep the weight off since going to CF just didn't appeal to me.
I was suffering from burnout. Bottom line. Same thing happened with swimming several years ago, but regardless I kept pushing through. Over time, I grew to absolutely hate swimming. For a long time just the smell of chlorine was enough to make me grow increasingly nauseous. Swimming is starting to get fun again, but it's taken a hiatus of 4 years to get there. I don't want that to happen with CF, so I've taken a minor hiatus. I haven't hit the box since last Wednesday when I had a minor meltdown (remember what I said about that "stuff" resurfacing?) and I've in general been taking it easy. I'm, for the first time in a REALLY long time, going easy on myself and my body. I got in the pool yesterday and hit an hour long session, and may do the same today, or go run some trails around my house. Dunno. We'll see.
So, the big question, where is Katie? Physically, I'm sitting in central Penciltucky on the farm, and have been enjoying, for the most part, cooler temperatures, less humidity, my family's new cat, and an absence of Starbucks lattes. I have however discovered, since there is not a Starbucks within 20 miles of me, that Starbucks coffee (ground) plus Hazelnut creamer, does the trick quite well. I'm on my third cup of coffee this morning, and even with the creamer (5g carbs/tablespoon), I am STILL below the sugar count of my grande latte. (I believe the way I make it it sports 58g carbs per grande... yikes) So, it's not totally Primal or Paleo, but when it comes down to it, it's a far better choice, and it still tastes good. (Eat this, not that)
But, I guess the where is Katie (physically) question was probably not the one you were really worried about were you? Fair enough. It wasn't really the one I was worried about either. So, where is Katie mentally? Right now, Katie is much more relaxed mentally. Just getting out of DC and having the freedom to take time off work and leave has meant a HUGE reduction in stress. Not to mention, the pace of life here is MUCH slower. (Nothing says slow pace of life like horses and buggies right?!?!?) It has helped to simply calm me down and get me back to being me again. I've been able to work out, but I've also been able just to wander and go about a much more relaxed schedule and I've been able to enjoy myself again. Just by removing a few stressers, I feel more able to deal with the other ones.
Will I be back at CF on Monday morning? At this point, I don't know. I've liked hiking and swimming and *gasp* running on my own. It's been nice. It's been cathartic. (Did I spell that right?) But being on my own does make me miss CF a bit too. Regardless though, I think taking some time away was necessary and my trip home fell at a REALLY good time. Mentally I'm much healthier and much more relaxed now than I was a few weeks, or really, even just a few days ago. The good news is that I'm getting things back on track, and the good news is, that some serious evaluations have been made. Life is moving in the direction it needs to. I just need to figure out and learn how to adjust to those movements.
I've been lucky enough in my life to grow up in a small town where things rarely change. It's nice to have consistency. I've lived in one house my whole life... terrific. All of my memories of the past 28 years are in that house and on that property. It's great to know that things rarely change. The probablem with all this though is that when things do change, it throws me into a tailspin because I have no idea how to deal with it. My life has always stayed the same right?! So, the bottom line is that I will need to continue to work on going with the flow and adjusting to life as it throws curves at me. I came up with this analogy on my FB the other day and it seemed to fit.
"You know how sometimes people put rocks in tumblers so that they come out all shiny and sparkly on the other side? Maybe life is putting me through a tumbler so I come out all shiny and sparkly on the other side?"
Thursday, July 22, 2010
What does it mean to be a CF "badass"?
Before I start writing this post, I want to post a little disclaimer. If you take a look at that really big blog title up here.... look up, little higher, little... uh huh! Yup there you go... you got it... If you notice, it says KATIE'S Mindless Ramblings. Not Kristen or Amanda or Sarah or Jane... KATIE'S. That means that all the thoughts contained in this blog are my own. Love 'em or hate 'em, they're my thoughts and opinions. Of course my thoughts and opinions are ALWAYS subject to change... it's my perogative (Thank you Bobby Brown), but regardless they are still MY thoughts. Do you have to agree with them? Of course not! But if you're coming to read my blog and read my thoughts and opinions, I will only say one thing. Be respectful. I welcome and encourage other thoughts and opinions, regardless of whether you're a regular commentor, a lurker, or someone who has stumbled upon me for the first time. However, I will not tolerate stupidity, ignorance, or disrespect. You wanna attack me for sharing my thoughts? Pack a lunch pal 'cause I won't put up with it. Now, having said that, on to the day's ramblings....
This past weekend was a busy weekend for me with shifts at my restaurant and two swim meets, and needless to say, I was not able to glue myself to the computer to watch the live streaming of the CrossFit Games. When I got some down time on Tuesday to go check things out, I have to say that I became apalled. When I started to read the message boards and saw all the people tearing one another to shreds over one another's opinions, it nearly made me sick to my stomach. The CF community has thrived due to the support system that it has ultimately created. But on that particular thread, it almost seemed to be a case of "he who bitches the loudest and the longest wins". On and on the threads went about who's badass and who isn't and who should've won and how unfair it was... instead of just congratulating the athletes. Now, I understand fully that this is real life, and real life is not always, as my ex used to say, "happy go poppy". Things can't always be nice and full of bunnies and fluffy cute kittens (Did you see Despicable Me??? IT'S SO FLUFFY!!! Sorry... sidetracked). People have opinions, people start arguments, and people in general will be, well... people. But it seemed that the one thing that kept coming up on the threads was this idea of "being badass". People kept saying one thing or another made someone a badass and it really got me to thinking what all this "badass" stuff was about.
I have a hard time imagining what it must have been like for Coach Glassman as he sat dreaming up the idea of CF. How in the world could anyone have dreamt this up? I mean really. That aside though, I can picture him wanting a new type of fitness, a better way to train, but I have a hard time seeing him sitting in his basement going, "Well damn. I just want to make people badass." I don't see that as being part of the logic for him starting all this. But it seems to be an idea that is now running rampant in the CF community. Everyone is striving to be "badass". But what does that even mean? There seems to be, at least in this girl's opinion, a subculture forming in CF that is focused on their "badassitude" and believes that badasses are made more by appearance and personality than actual actions. It seems that they have the idea that just walking through the door with a certain type of image makes someone a badass.
Now, before you go all psycho, breathe. I think you know what I'm driving at. It seems that there are a lot of people out there coming into the CF world because it's the hip/cool thing to do. They seem to think that by showing up and looking/acting a certain way, it makes them a badass, which therefore is wicked cool. Being a true badass IS seriously wicked cool. But you know what, here's a clue. Tatting yourself until you're blue in the face doesn't make you badass. Wearing next to nothing to the box does not make you badass. Swearing so much that your mother breaks out the bible does NOT make you badass. So what does? In this girl's opinion, again MY opinion, there are a few key factors to being a badass. What are they you ask? I'm so glad you asked! I'd be happy to tell you! :)
Showing up to the wod
If you're truly going to be a badass, in my opinion, you need to show up for the wod. Not once a week, or twice a week when you're feeling great and ready to take on the world. Or not once or twice a week when it's something you know you're good at and you like to do. To be a badass you need to show up, regardless of the circumstances, and hit the wod. Whether you're sore, have 2 hours of sleep, two kids screaming your name, or a stack of work waiting at the office... badasses make the time and get it done. They show up regardless of how sore they are, how off they feel, how much they know they suck at the wod, and to put it quite simply, they put in the work. Does this mean they crush EVERY single wod? No. They have their off days and their chinks in their armor, but a true badass doesn't shy away from getting it done. A badass knows the importance of working out and working the weaknesses. A badass doesn't focus ONLY on the things they do well. A true badass knows that they are only as good as their weakest link.
Guts
Raise your hand if you think a badass is someone who starts a wod, then walks away when it gets hard. Ok, now raise your hand if you think that a badass is someone who is content to only go at about half speed on a wod? That's what I thought. A badass is someone who not only comes in and hits the wod, but has drive and determination to grit through and gut through every wod, as hard as they can. Badasses don't stop in the middle of a wod, shrug their shoulders and say, "I'm just not feeling super powerful. I'm going to stop today." Badasses don't say, "I'm going to just you know, take it easy today." Badasses don't pick the lighter barbell/kettlebell for the day, "just cause". No, wrong answer. Badasses are people who say, "This wod is kicking my ass, but I'm going to get through it." Or, "I feel like total poo, but I'm just going to go as hard as I can." Right there, that's what makes someone a badass. Literally just going down deep within themselves to find the guts to just keep going and to push it as best they can. Lord it sucks, but they find a way. It takes guts to be a badass.
The "Know When to Fold 'Em" Gene
Now, having said what I said about grit and guts, someone who is truly a badass also possesses a certain knowledge and understanding that I like to call the "Know When to Fold 'Em" gene. A true badass will push themselves to their limits, but a true badass also knows when a risk is not worth the reward. As CF'ers we flirt, DANGEROUSLY sometimes, with the line between hard work and just plain being stupid. A true badass is someone who knows when that line has been crossed. As CF'ers we want to push ourselves to the edge to become those elite athletes, but at some point, we also need to know when to pull back away from that edge so that we don't go hurtling over into an abyss. What good is finishing a wod if after doing so, you can't walk/work/move correctly for a month? That's not helping you continue to grow as an athlete. A badass knows when to push through, but a badass also knows when they just need to walk away. As Willie said, "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run." A badass knows. Kind of like Chuck Norris. They just KNOW.
Performance
Let's be honest. What would a badass be without a few stellar performances? Maybe it's their strength, maybe it's their speed, but badasses have some things in their wheelhouses, and man, WHEW! It's really impressive when they let them out. This isn't to say that a badass must have complete mastery of all areas and domains of CrossFit. Everyone has chinks. But it is saying that a badass should be a pretty good performer when 3-2-1 gets called.
And last but not least, perhaps the most important key to being a TRUE badass....
Humility
You know what struck me most about the comments on the CF Games thread? Aside from the name calling and general arguing, it was the comments from the athletes themselves. All through that thread, people were arguing about safety, the points system, how unfair it was, who SHOULD have won... and then in the midst of it all were calm comments from the athletes themselves. This to me was the EPITOMY of what it means to be a true badass, and why those athletes are badasses.
A true badass is someone who understands that there are days where wods will be crushed, and wods that will crush them. There will be days when their efforts are enough to win, and days when their best will fall short. A true badass knows these things, understands their abilities, and celebrates their successes and failures without insulting others. A true badass understands the value of having an opportunity and is grateful to those who made it happen and supported it while it happened. A true badass knows that there is always work to be done, and that there is no such thing as perfection. A true badass knows that they should always speak softly and rock your world when 3-2-1 goes down. True badasses don't need to laud themselves from the mountaintops. Their actions speak for them. They possess the ultimate characteristic of a true badass... humility. For these athletes, no words are necessary to let everyone know how badass they are... they simply are. However, if they happen to own a cool pair of socks that HAPPENS to mention their badassitude... well, that's ok too... ;)
Now is this saying that you can't be a badass if you like to swear a lot, wear next to nothing, and cover your body in tattoos? No, absolutely not. That's a lifestyle/body style/workout attire that some people prefer. But I'm saying that those things alone, which seem to be such prevalent indicators of badassitude in CF these days, do not automatically make someone a badass. If you wanna be a badass, you gotta pony up. Put the work in, and humble yourself down. A badass who tells everyone how badass they are, is really no badass at all. So, are YOU a badass?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
CrossFit for life? Or CrossFit for life?
Depending on how you read the two questions above, they can be absolutely the same, or they can have two TOTALLY different meanings. It all depends on how you interpret it. As I am going through some HUGE life changes at the moment, I've really been forced to sit down and analyze a lot of things. When you of course start analyzing some parts of your life, it's not such a far cry to start to think about other parts of your life. So I began to think about what my reasoning for GOING to CF was.
I've heard a lot of people say that now that they've found CrossFit they'll never go back to their old exercise routine and that they're CrossFitters for life now. Then I've heard other people say that they're not sure if they'll do CrossFit forever but they're going to do it for their quality of life, their ability to live. And I started to think about which of these statements really defined me as an athlete. I'd love to sit here and say that I am a CrossFit for life type of girl and I'll never have another exercise routine besides CF. But you know, the reality is, I like doing a lot of different types of things. I can't swear that for the rest of my life, I'm going to be a 4/5 day a week type of CF girl. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like CF, but I think that there are so many other ways to exercise, it seems a shame not to take advantage of them all. I love to swim. I swam for 16 years, but if you've ever done a swim practice, you know it's pretty tiring. Now try to imagine then turning around and doing a CF WOD that same day. You'd be whooped! I think trying to do 4/5 of CF plus something else would also be a great way to overtrain. I think that CF is a great compliment to a lot of other types of training, but I think that saying that it's CF and only CF for life is a way to sell yourself short. There are lots of things to experience in our world, and I don't think I want to miss out on any of them. Not to mention, what happens if I leave DC?? I have become successful with CF largely in part due to the team at my affiliate, and who's to say my training would be the same on my own without them? I don't know what my future holds, and I don't want to make broad sweeping statements. Do I think I'll do it as long as I can? Absolutely, but am I lifer? I don't know. That remains to be seen.
I definitely believe though that I am a CrossFit for life type of girl. Now, relax, cause I know you're aggravated that they sound exactly the same, but think of this. Almost 3 years ago, when I first stumbled onto CF through a recommendation, I didn't have a clue what I was getting into. I knew I wasn't happy with how I looked and I knew I wasn't happy being a former athlete who struggled to walk up flights of stairs without breathing heavy. It seemed a little rediculous to me. After about 6 months of getting used to CF, I started to get into the Zone. Through the Zone and some serious wicked training, I was able to lose, at my very lowest, 25 lbs. It was like I was a whole new person. I was able to do more and feel better about doing it. Now, having said that, I've also gained a lot of that back. Some of it in muscle mass, but not all of it, I'll be honest. I have a very hard time following strict diet plans and so the little things that would help me lose the weight, like not drinking coffee, I have a hard time doing. But regardless, overall, my quality of life is SO much better than it would have been had I continued to do what I was doing. I don't know what my future holds in store for me, I don't know if I'll always have an affiliate to call home, and I don't know that I'll always be able to do 4/5 days a week of CF. But I do know that right now, I don't care so much about my times or my weights, although it does feel good when they are fast and heavy, I care about making sure that my pants fit, and that I am a healthy individual. I want to CF and do other things like swim, and hike, and bike, because I can. That's the type of life I want. The ability to be healthy and enjoy lots of different types of things. CF can help me get there. It can compliment the other things I do. It doesn't have to be my life. It's a part of it and it helps to ensure that the rest of my life is just as great as the time I spend in the box with my friends. I don't swear that I'm going to CrossFit forever, but I swear I'm going to keep hitting the box for as long as I can so that I can CrossFit to have the quality of life I want. I'm never going to win the CrossFit games, and I don't have a desire to be an 80 year old woman with a 12 pack. What a do want though, is to be able to be a healthy person and have a quality of life worth having. So will I CrossFit for life? Meh, maybe. We'll see. But will I CrossFit for life? Absofreakinlutely. So, which one are you?
I've heard a lot of people say that now that they've found CrossFit they'll never go back to their old exercise routine and that they're CrossFitters for life now. Then I've heard other people say that they're not sure if they'll do CrossFit forever but they're going to do it for their quality of life, their ability to live. And I started to think about which of these statements really defined me as an athlete. I'd love to sit here and say that I am a CrossFit for life type of girl and I'll never have another exercise routine besides CF. But you know, the reality is, I like doing a lot of different types of things. I can't swear that for the rest of my life, I'm going to be a 4/5 day a week type of CF girl. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like CF, but I think that there are so many other ways to exercise, it seems a shame not to take advantage of them all. I love to swim. I swam for 16 years, but if you've ever done a swim practice, you know it's pretty tiring. Now try to imagine then turning around and doing a CF WOD that same day. You'd be whooped! I think trying to do 4/5 of CF plus something else would also be a great way to overtrain. I think that CF is a great compliment to a lot of other types of training, but I think that saying that it's CF and only CF for life is a way to sell yourself short. There are lots of things to experience in our world, and I don't think I want to miss out on any of them. Not to mention, what happens if I leave DC?? I have become successful with CF largely in part due to the team at my affiliate, and who's to say my training would be the same on my own without them? I don't know what my future holds, and I don't want to make broad sweeping statements. Do I think I'll do it as long as I can? Absolutely, but am I lifer? I don't know. That remains to be seen.
I definitely believe though that I am a CrossFit for life type of girl. Now, relax, cause I know you're aggravated that they sound exactly the same, but think of this. Almost 3 years ago, when I first stumbled onto CF through a recommendation, I didn't have a clue what I was getting into. I knew I wasn't happy with how I looked and I knew I wasn't happy being a former athlete who struggled to walk up flights of stairs without breathing heavy. It seemed a little rediculous to me. After about 6 months of getting used to CF, I started to get into the Zone. Through the Zone and some serious wicked training, I was able to lose, at my very lowest, 25 lbs. It was like I was a whole new person. I was able to do more and feel better about doing it. Now, having said that, I've also gained a lot of that back. Some of it in muscle mass, but not all of it, I'll be honest. I have a very hard time following strict diet plans and so the little things that would help me lose the weight, like not drinking coffee, I have a hard time doing. But regardless, overall, my quality of life is SO much better than it would have been had I continued to do what I was doing. I don't know what my future holds in store for me, I don't know if I'll always have an affiliate to call home, and I don't know that I'll always be able to do 4/5 days a week of CF. But I do know that right now, I don't care so much about my times or my weights, although it does feel good when they are fast and heavy, I care about making sure that my pants fit, and that I am a healthy individual. I want to CF and do other things like swim, and hike, and bike, because I can. That's the type of life I want. The ability to be healthy and enjoy lots of different types of things. CF can help me get there. It can compliment the other things I do. It doesn't have to be my life. It's a part of it and it helps to ensure that the rest of my life is just as great as the time I spend in the box with my friends. I don't swear that I'm going to CrossFit forever, but I swear I'm going to keep hitting the box for as long as I can so that I can CrossFit to have the quality of life I want. I'm never going to win the CrossFit games, and I don't have a desire to be an 80 year old woman with a 12 pack. What a do want though, is to be able to be a healthy person and have a quality of life worth having. So will I CrossFit for life? Meh, maybe. We'll see. But will I CrossFit for life? Absofreakinlutely. So, which one are you?
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Fear
fear /fɪər/
–noun
1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights.
3. concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety.
4. reverential awe, esp. toward god.
5. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.
As a child, rarely did you stop to think before you did something like climb a tree. You never stopped to pause and consider the consequences before you lept from the coffee table onto the couch. You did not consider that speeding down the hill on your bicycle may end in a crash. Fear. It's not something we have when we're younger. It's an emotion born of experience. Fear of relationships stems from being hurt. Fear of being broke typically stems from at some point in your life having very little. Fear or weight gain typically comes from an overstimulation from the media or a personal experience with it in your own life. Regardless it comes as a result of some sort of exposure to it. The bottom line here is that it's not something we are really born with. It's something that grows and develops over time. Fear, in my honest opinion, is by far the worst serial killer ever known to exist. What exactly do I mean by that? Well by now you should know me well enough to know that I don't make statements and never explain them. So here goes....
Fear is something that as an adult we tend to allow to paralyze us. Have you ever tried to SERIOUSLY put aside your fears and do something your afraid of? It's INCREDIBLY hard to do as an adult. Ever tried to overome a fear of heights, spiders, or being alone? It's incredibly difficult. As adults, our fears are so ingrained that removing them seems virtually impossible. Fear of the unknown, or fear of being broke, or fear of being alone has killed more dreams and more aspirations than any mass murder I can think of. Fear. As adults we are really good at coming up with a million and one reasons why we CAN'T do things. Fear. We allow fear to kill our desires, our very spirits, and essentially ourselves.
For a very long time, fear held me at a place in my life where I was not happy. I was so scared of being without a job that I was willing to stay in one that did not make me happy and was essentially making me ill because I was too scared to leave. I was afraid of the unknown. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to find a new job, and terrified about not having enough money or having health insurance. I was so scared that it literally petrified me. But I came to a point in my life where I was able to put the fear aside. I made a choice for myself. I got to a point where I knew that if I did not leave teaching the consequences could be potentially dire, and I was not willing to do that to myself anymore. So I left. For the time it took for me to write my resignation letter and hand it in, I was able to put my fear aside. For that block of time, I was able to be fearless.
However, now that that time has come and gone, I find myself faced with new fears. Fears of being unemployed without a source of full-time income, fear that I will have to leave DC, fear that I will not be able to live this life any longer, and more than anything fear because I don't honestly know what I WANT to do for the rest of my life. These fears have become a very real thing. Everyday I now sit and pound out job applications hoping that I figure things out, hoping that a job comes my way, and hoping against hope that I don't have to give up the life I've made for myself here in DC.
When I first quit my job, two of my older and much wiser friends lauded me quitting. They told me that it took a lot of courage and bravery to leave in the manner which I did. To be unemployed in an economy so fragile that it resembles a Ukranian pysanky egg takes guts. At the time, I didn't quite get it. I didn't feel like I was being brave or courageous. I just felt like I was doing what I had to do. But now, sitting here weeks later, I understand. I'm doing what a lot of people have a very hard time doing and that is facing my fears head on. I don't have much of a choice. I have to deal with them or I will not ever leave my house.
It's not easy, it never is, but life is forcing my hand a bit right now, and while these fears sometimes seem to be swallowing me, I also have to say, so what? No, really. So what? If I have to leave DC, will I be sad? Absolutely, but you know what, the only thing permanent in life, is death. There is nothing saying that I can't come back when the time is right. Will it hurt? Oh hell yes. I would hate to walk away from CFOT and the family I've made there, but you know, I can return. If the money runs out, and I have to make some sort of a piecemeal situation work, so what? I'm young... well, youngish, and I can get on the footing I want to be on eventually right? But what about health insurance? Well there is Cobra right?
The bottom line is this. Fear can be an all encompassing thing if you let it. Fear of being unsuccessful with weight loss keeps a lot of people from ever trying. Fear of failure keeps a lot of people from every giving ANYTHING a go. Fear of dropping a barbell on their head keeps some people from gaining strength. Fear. It's a tiny four letter word, but it's a big thing. It does take guts, and it does take sticktoittiveness to overcome, but the bottom line is that sometimes you just have to. If you want to be able to get from point a to point b, sometimes you have to face it head on.
You have to get to that place where you say, "Ok, self. We're going to deal with this, and it's not going to be pretty, but we're going to do it a step at a time." It is ok to talk to yourself and give ye olde pep talk. Do it, and then take the first step. I didn't say jump in, I said, take a step. I'm learning in my old age that jumping headlong into things is not a successful way to attempt anything. My most successful weight loss was not done by jumping in, it was a gradual wading into the weight loss pool. My large successes at CF came after slowly ramping up the number of days I worked out, and getting some solid work in over a period of months. My largest successes as a teacher came when I broke things into chunks and worked things in over a period of time. Slow and steady is just fine. There's nothing saying that things should be done overnight, so why force that on yourself? But the point is, just try. Try to tackle something that you find so terrifying that it freezes you.
Is this post saying that I've become cured and I never wake up at night with fear wondering what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of my life? No. God no. I had my very first complete and utter breakdown the other day including the hysterical "What am I going to do with the rest of my life?" sobbing. But, that's ok. The point is that I'm getting there. I'm getting to the point where I'm seriously considering and weighing my options and realizing where I can go, and what I can do with the rest of my life and the FEAR isn't holding me completely in place. It may be making me feel like I'm walking through mud, but that's a far better feeling than the feeling of wearing concrete shoes I had before. It may take me another leap of faith and it may take some serious guts to put the wheel completely in motion, but I'm getting there. Baby steps you know. The bottom line is that I'm realizing I don't have to be completely afraid of this. This can be a good thing. Being unemployed is scary, but I have the time and the money to explore and to think and to really figure things out.
I realize that not everyone has job related fears right now. I realize others have fear in a lot of different areas. Some people it's work related, some people it's family, some people it's relationships, some people it's CF fear. No worries. Whatever it is that is holding you back, figure out a first step and go from there. Put a toe in the pool, and then maybe a foot, and after that maybe an ankle. It's scary and it takes guts, but tackling your fear head on may just be the best thing you ever do for yourself. Even if you realize the choices you've made are not the right ones, guess what. Now you know that. You've learned something and now there's never any second guessing. You've put the fear aside and you've learned and now you can go on with the rest of your life without reservation. Fear can be a silent killer if you let it. I think instead you should ride out and meet it.
–noun
1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights.
3. concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety.
4. reverential awe, esp. toward god.
5. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.
As a child, rarely did you stop to think before you did something like climb a tree. You never stopped to pause and consider the consequences before you lept from the coffee table onto the couch. You did not consider that speeding down the hill on your bicycle may end in a crash. Fear. It's not something we have when we're younger. It's an emotion born of experience. Fear of relationships stems from being hurt. Fear of being broke typically stems from at some point in your life having very little. Fear or weight gain typically comes from an overstimulation from the media or a personal experience with it in your own life. Regardless it comes as a result of some sort of exposure to it. The bottom line here is that it's not something we are really born with. It's something that grows and develops over time. Fear, in my honest opinion, is by far the worst serial killer ever known to exist. What exactly do I mean by that? Well by now you should know me well enough to know that I don't make statements and never explain them. So here goes....
Fear is something that as an adult we tend to allow to paralyze us. Have you ever tried to SERIOUSLY put aside your fears and do something your afraid of? It's INCREDIBLY hard to do as an adult. Ever tried to overome a fear of heights, spiders, or being alone? It's incredibly difficult. As adults, our fears are so ingrained that removing them seems virtually impossible. Fear of the unknown, or fear of being broke, or fear of being alone has killed more dreams and more aspirations than any mass murder I can think of. Fear. As adults we are really good at coming up with a million and one reasons why we CAN'T do things. Fear. We allow fear to kill our desires, our very spirits, and essentially ourselves.
For a very long time, fear held me at a place in my life where I was not happy. I was so scared of being without a job that I was willing to stay in one that did not make me happy and was essentially making me ill because I was too scared to leave. I was afraid of the unknown. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to find a new job, and terrified about not having enough money or having health insurance. I was so scared that it literally petrified me. But I came to a point in my life where I was able to put the fear aside. I made a choice for myself. I got to a point where I knew that if I did not leave teaching the consequences could be potentially dire, and I was not willing to do that to myself anymore. So I left. For the time it took for me to write my resignation letter and hand it in, I was able to put my fear aside. For that block of time, I was able to be fearless.
However, now that that time has come and gone, I find myself faced with new fears. Fears of being unemployed without a source of full-time income, fear that I will have to leave DC, fear that I will not be able to live this life any longer, and more than anything fear because I don't honestly know what I WANT to do for the rest of my life. These fears have become a very real thing. Everyday I now sit and pound out job applications hoping that I figure things out, hoping that a job comes my way, and hoping against hope that I don't have to give up the life I've made for myself here in DC.
When I first quit my job, two of my older and much wiser friends lauded me quitting. They told me that it took a lot of courage and bravery to leave in the manner which I did. To be unemployed in an economy so fragile that it resembles a Ukranian pysanky egg takes guts. At the time, I didn't quite get it. I didn't feel like I was being brave or courageous. I just felt like I was doing what I had to do. But now, sitting here weeks later, I understand. I'm doing what a lot of people have a very hard time doing and that is facing my fears head on. I don't have much of a choice. I have to deal with them or I will not ever leave my house.
It's not easy, it never is, but life is forcing my hand a bit right now, and while these fears sometimes seem to be swallowing me, I also have to say, so what? No, really. So what? If I have to leave DC, will I be sad? Absolutely, but you know what, the only thing permanent in life, is death. There is nothing saying that I can't come back when the time is right. Will it hurt? Oh hell yes. I would hate to walk away from CFOT and the family I've made there, but you know, I can return. If the money runs out, and I have to make some sort of a piecemeal situation work, so what? I'm young... well, youngish, and I can get on the footing I want to be on eventually right? But what about health insurance? Well there is Cobra right?
The bottom line is this. Fear can be an all encompassing thing if you let it. Fear of being unsuccessful with weight loss keeps a lot of people from ever trying. Fear of failure keeps a lot of people from every giving ANYTHING a go. Fear of dropping a barbell on their head keeps some people from gaining strength. Fear. It's a tiny four letter word, but it's a big thing. It does take guts, and it does take sticktoittiveness to overcome, but the bottom line is that sometimes you just have to. If you want to be able to get from point a to point b, sometimes you have to face it head on.
You have to get to that place where you say, "Ok, self. We're going to deal with this, and it's not going to be pretty, but we're going to do it a step at a time." It is ok to talk to yourself and give ye olde pep talk. Do it, and then take the first step. I didn't say jump in, I said, take a step. I'm learning in my old age that jumping headlong into things is not a successful way to attempt anything. My most successful weight loss was not done by jumping in, it was a gradual wading into the weight loss pool. My large successes at CF came after slowly ramping up the number of days I worked out, and getting some solid work in over a period of months. My largest successes as a teacher came when I broke things into chunks and worked things in over a period of time. Slow and steady is just fine. There's nothing saying that things should be done overnight, so why force that on yourself? But the point is, just try. Try to tackle something that you find so terrifying that it freezes you.
Is this post saying that I've become cured and I never wake up at night with fear wondering what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of my life? No. God no. I had my very first complete and utter breakdown the other day including the hysterical "What am I going to do with the rest of my life?" sobbing. But, that's ok. The point is that I'm getting there. I'm getting to the point where I'm seriously considering and weighing my options and realizing where I can go, and what I can do with the rest of my life and the FEAR isn't holding me completely in place. It may be making me feel like I'm walking through mud, but that's a far better feeling than the feeling of wearing concrete shoes I had before. It may take me another leap of faith and it may take some serious guts to put the wheel completely in motion, but I'm getting there. Baby steps you know. The bottom line is that I'm realizing I don't have to be completely afraid of this. This can be a good thing. Being unemployed is scary, but I have the time and the money to explore and to think and to really figure things out.
I realize that not everyone has job related fears right now. I realize others have fear in a lot of different areas. Some people it's work related, some people it's family, some people it's relationships, some people it's CF fear. No worries. Whatever it is that is holding you back, figure out a first step and go from there. Put a toe in the pool, and then maybe a foot, and after that maybe an ankle. It's scary and it takes guts, but tackling your fear head on may just be the best thing you ever do for yourself. Even if you realize the choices you've made are not the right ones, guess what. Now you know that. You've learned something and now there's never any second guessing. You've put the fear aside and you've learned and now you can go on with the rest of your life without reservation. Fear can be a silent killer if you let it. I think instead you should ride out and meet it.
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