So, I'm not sure how I managed to do it, but about halfway through my day today, I completely and totally forgot that today was Saint Patrick's Day. I had some errands to run in Old Town tonight and for the life of me couldn't understand why I couldn't find a single parking space. Duh, Katie.... seriously, just duh.
Anyway, let's forget about my total blonde moment for a minute and move on....
This week, workout wise, has actually been a REALLY good week for me. I've worked on things that were my weaknesses BEFORE the whole taking an unintentional break thing, and despite it all, the weaknesses actually didn't feel all that bad. Double unders will blow for me no matter what I do, but even push-ups weren't all that attrocious. I was actually able to do the wods and stay close to the other people who have been working out full-time. I felt pretty good about that. Monday I got in for the heavy dose of clean and jerks and then on Tuesday I got in for a pretty craptastic metcon. Even after being away so much, I STILL don't like metcons...
Tuesday wod
100 du's cash in (4 min time limit)
5 rft
20 pull-ups
20 push-ups
20 air squats
100 du's cash out (4 min time limit)
I have to say, it took me 28 minutes and some change to do this, but mostly because I spent 8 minutes on the freakin' double unders. Seriously... that is some crazy ridiculous stuff right there... double unders are evil... 'nuff said.
Wednesday's wod was much more fun for me... oh wait, btw.... did you notice that I said Monday, Tuesday, AND Wednesday? That's right!!!! I did make it three days in a row!!! I can't tell you honestly the last time that that happened... trust me, it's been a hot minute. Anyhoo, Wednesday's wod was 1 rep max overhead squats!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy! I love overhead squats. In fact one might even say, I HEART them... ;)
It's been so long since I've rep maxed anything that I was a little leery about where I'd be. I was totallly STOKED to realize I was only 10 lbs off my PR! Sweet! My jumps looked as follows.
35X10
65X5
85X2
105X1
115X1
125X1
135X1
145X1
155X1
165X1 (f)
165X1
I know this seems like a lot of lifts, but since I haven't done much lifting, I was making rather conservative jumps. I also honestly felt a little cranky and kinky... not THAT kind of kinky. I mean the kind where you feel like you just can't loosen up and just be... comfortable? No, not comfortable... normal maybe... Anyway, I took a good fall on that 165X1 the first time. I went down into my squat too slow and man did I ever bust my ass. I'm not going to lie... there was no cushioning THAT blow. But the second time I went down with plenty of speed and felt good coming back up. I was totally stoked about the day as a whole.
I took a rest day today to avoid the whole 4 day in a row thing, but I'm planning on getting up early tomorrow to get my 4th day in. I'm totally stoked about my performances this week, and the fact that I am going to get in 4 days. Woot! :) This is happy Katie! :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
The "Leave Behind"... or "How to Ensure You Workout This Week"... or GET TO THE BOX!!!
We hit a two wod day today with the first wod being the following.
Every minute on the minute
Hit 1 clean and jerk (go heavy and keep perfect form)
130X10 (roughly 85% of my 1RM)
The jerks on this felt solid and for the first time in a long time, I really enjoyed lifting today. My cleans were a bit off, but honestly I think it's because I wasn't squat cleaning. Normally anytime I do clean and jerks, I squat clean everything. Today I didn't have to and I think it threw me a bit. Jerry said my feet were off on the cleans. But like I said, I've been so sporadic, I really can't be unhappy with any of that.
Wod two today was Grace. Funny because I JUST did Grace a week and a half ago for first Friday. My time was atrocious that day because Jerry said that the new Grace weight is now 95 lbs. So all of my previous Grace times with 85 are now null and void. Well, crap! So today I went 95 again and beat the pants off my time from a week and a half ago. Shanimal beat me and stole my top Grace spot which doesn't make me very happy, but you know what, again, I can't be unhappy with that performance. A 3:17 Grace with 95lbs really and truly is not much to sneeze at. And honestly, I have a feeling I can get under 3:10. I wasted a good solid 5-10 seconds today because I accidentally clocked myself in the boob on one of my reps and took a few seconds to breathe again after that. Next time, I'll need to make sure that my boobs are CLEARLY out of the way. :P
Now, since I made it in today, I had to try to find a creative way to ensure that I get to the box tomorrow. I have a bad habit of going hard and then not going for two days... oops.... so today I got this master plan. So, I've now officially devised a way to TRICK yourself into having to go to the gym. (and before you start laughing, I challenge YOU to find better things to think of at 0600 in the am while you're getting ready for work.)
Ehem, anyway... my masteful plan for ensuring that you get to the box is as follows... leave something of relatively large importance so that you HAVE to go the next day. A towel or bottle of shampoo... not significant enough. Shoes, nope. Shirt, nope. Those things can all be maneuvered around. But, aha! I found one thing that you cannot do without... well if you're a girl anyway....
A HAIRDRYER!!!
I have relatively longish hair, so I NEED to have it in order to get ready for work, otherwise I look like crap and run around with wet hair. So I left (intentionally) my hairdryer in my little cubby thing so that I HAVE to get up and get to it in the AM. Now, I suppose that I COULD just wake up my roommate at 0515 and ask her for HER hairdryer, but I'm thinking that that probably wouldn't go over so well. So, now I HAVE to go workout tomorrow because I HAVE to have a hairdryer for work. I'm ensuring that I get to the box at least twice this week. Now, the only issue with this is that I know, invariably, that on a day that I don't mean to do it, like when I'm planning on taking a rest day the NEXT day, I'm going to leave my hairdryer. I know it will happen, so I'm going to have to prepare a plan for the invariable days that I f things all up. But for now, the leave behind should help me get my butt to the... wait a tic, THE LEAVE BEHIND!? Wait, dude, did I REALLY just say that?!!?! It's like CrossFit and I just had sex and I'm looking for an excuse to come back and see him again... like oh, oops, I left all my clothes at your place... guess I'll have to come back and get them.... hmmmmm... Oh, sorry CrossFit. I guess I left my hairdryer at your place... guess I'll have to come back and get it and see you again so we can make out... oh heavens... the leave behind... LMAO... Get you a leave behind and GET TO THE BOX (or the choppa!)!!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Workoutus Interruptus...
This week I was super determined to get to the box 4 times. I made it Tuesday and Wednesday and was seriously well on my way to making that happen. I didn't go Thursday because I didn't get off work Wednesday until almost 1230 and needed to stay late to finish my interims at school. I wasn't super worried though becase I figured I could still go on Friday and Saturday. A friend of mine was coming in town last night, but I figured I would have time to get to the box before he got here. WRONG! He was early! I was a block from the box when he called and said he was 20 minutes away. Crap... so there went that. I figured I'd still get in today and at least get in 3 days this week. Not my 4 that I wanted, but still decent. Woke up at 9:25 with the workout at 9:30. I SET my alarm, and failed to turn it on!!!! CURSES!!!! So, this week was a severe case or workoutus interruptus. I'm going to try to get a run in tomorrow so at least I can say I did SOMETHING this weekend, but I'm super perturbed that I was so close to getting in my 4 only to have it f'ed by random things. Grrrr... there is next week, I know, but still, I'm slipping backwards at the box because I can't get in and I want to go forward..... workoutus interruptus... GRRRRR on you.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Phoenix rising...
See, Greek mythology in my opinion is some of the best storytelling ever done. Where else do you see so many unique and seemingly unexplicable things? I got to thinking today about Greek mythology though. Or, more specifically, about one aspect of Greek mythology. In particular, I started to think about the Phoenix in Greek mythology. According to Greek mythology, the Phoenix lived for roughly 500-1000 years. When it was certain it was going to die, it would build a nest and then the bird and nest would burst into flame. As soon as this occurred, a new Phoenix would arise from the ashes of the old. In some myths, the old ashes were encased in a new egg and taken to a city in the Egyptian civilization, in others, a new Phoenix is simply born. Regardless though, the idea is still the same... from the ashes, a new being is born.
If you've been following my blog for as long as I've been writing it.... I admire your tenacity. If you're a recent newcomer, then perhaps what I'm about to say will not make much sense at all. The nice thing about having my life on the internet is that it's literally a living diary. I can add to it and delete from it at will, and it serves as a reminder of events and things that have happened to me over the course of the past three years. As I look back, I can see the person I was, the person I grew into, and now the person I'm becoming. I can see that there was a person who was very happy and go-lucky. I can see that along the way amidst school stress, competition stress, and the stress of working multiple jobs, that person got lost. Somewhere in the last year, Katie disappeared.
As I started back to work two months ago I felt like that was a new beginning for me. I felt like I was getting a second chance to do what I wanted to do. A chance to fix things that I couldn't fix a year ago. But as I got ino that position, I realized I still wasn't happy. Something still wasn't right. I had a boyfriend, I was making ok money, things at the side job were going well, but I still wasn't happy. As things with my boyfriend ended and the stress at school mounted due to upcoming SOL's, I had a sort of realization. I realized that nothing was going to change unless I forced it to.
Sort of like the Phoenix realizing that it was time to die, so did I. Because of work, I've been putting off everything, including living my own life. People always say that you should do everything in moderation. For me, that never seemed to be the case and it seemed like with me, everything was always all or nothing. So, like the Phoenix, I've decided to die.
I've made it a point to leave work no later than 7:30 in the evening. I refuse to allow myself to stay until 9 or 9:30 anymore. I've spoken with my managers at my other job and have said that I will not work doubles everyday on the weekends anymore. I have made myself take breaks, I have made myself slow down. I've had dinner with a friend this week. I've read a book this week. I've bought new I-tunes, done a few loads of laundry, and have even found my way back to my blog this week. The Phoenix is rising.
I'm not sure if in the Greek myths the Phoenix ever felt like a better version of itself was being born, but I do. I enjoy being a dedicated teacher, and I enjoy being a good, reliable server. But you know what else I enjoy? Laughing, listening to music, watching movies, reading books, having dinner, a glass of wine, chocolate, blogging, and tens of other things that I've just not done in the last year or so because work has always come first. I never imagined that in my 20's I would feel so burnt out. I never imagined that I would spend 100 hours a week working. I've come to not just realize this anymore, but finally ACT on it. I need to slow down, and things need to change for the better.
The old Phoenix has burned and a new, wiser Phoenix is taking it's place. As with any newborn being there is always much to learn, and I need to be careful not to inadvertantly swing my pendulum too far the other direction. However, I'm looking forward to slowly regaining things that have been lost. I'm glad that I took this job, as I've had a lot to learn from it, but I'm even more glad that I've finally started to find peace with things. Even though I don't enjoy my current position, it's had a purpose, and the purpose was to force me to burn. To force me to rise again, stronger, more determined, and more focused on putting things in order. Is this to say that I'll never spend another late night at school ever again? No, I know I will. But it means that I find enjoyment in life again. That work is not the end all be all. It means I start blogging again, and start to find myself back in the box more than 2x a week again. It means I start living in the true sense of the word. It's scary... it's hard not to fall back into old routines, but I'm slowly getting there. I'm slowly starting to spread my wings, and like a new born bird take my first tentative flaps of my wings. I'll get there... I know I will. But believe me, I cannot wait to see the view from the sky when I begin to soar....
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Once, Twice, Three times a lady...
I think that's how the old song goes... is that how the old song goes? I don't know... in my old age my mind is failing me... You know, I said that jokingly in front of my students the other day... I said that in my old age my hearing was going... one of the kids in the back whispered (haha... that's funny... 11 year olds don't really whisper) that I was obviously close to 40... really??!?!? I mean, I know I look older and I am sure that the gray hairs will start to come soon with all the stress I'm under, but 40? REALLY?
Anyway... 3 seems to be my lucky number these days. I'm still having a hard time getting into the box with my work schedule, but I'm holding steady at the number three. I realize that this isn't going to make me a badass at three times a week, but I also realize it will help to maintain a certain level of fitness so that when I am able to get back in 4-5 days a week, I will start to improve again. I don't feel stellar, in fact, yesterday's wod felt awful, but I am still getting some work in and it helps me feel good about myself. After all, isn't that the point?
Yesterday's wod was sheer awfulness, so by all means, I highly encourage it at the HTFU weight if you really feel like punishing yourself. Ugh.
30 snatches for time
Every minute on the minute starting at 0:00 do XX number of pull-ups
HTFU- 95lbs and 4 C2B pull-ups
Infidel -75lbs and 4 pull-ups
Bulldog- 55 lbs and ??? pull-ups
I started out ok at HTFU but after 6 rounds I had to go to regular pull-ups. I have lost some strength by only being in 3 days a week and the extra weight I've gained is seriously impacting my pull-ups. I kept the weight at 95 lbs and let me tell you, it sucked. 95 was heavy and hard. But I did push through.... eventually. Mentally that wod almost beat me... it was rough. But I did it and felt good that I did it. Tomorrow will be day number 2 this week and hopefully Saturday will be 3. I'm aiming to keep consistant at 3... and be once, twice, three times a CFOT lady this week! WOOT! :)
Anyway... 3 seems to be my lucky number these days. I'm still having a hard time getting into the box with my work schedule, but I'm holding steady at the number three. I realize that this isn't going to make me a badass at three times a week, but I also realize it will help to maintain a certain level of fitness so that when I am able to get back in 4-5 days a week, I will start to improve again. I don't feel stellar, in fact, yesterday's wod felt awful, but I am still getting some work in and it helps me feel good about myself. After all, isn't that the point?
Yesterday's wod was sheer awfulness, so by all means, I highly encourage it at the HTFU weight if you really feel like punishing yourself. Ugh.
30 snatches for time
Every minute on the minute starting at 0:00 do XX number of pull-ups
HTFU- 95lbs and 4 C2B pull-ups
Infidel -75lbs and 4 pull-ups
Bulldog- 55 lbs and ??? pull-ups
I started out ok at HTFU but after 6 rounds I had to go to regular pull-ups. I have lost some strength by only being in 3 days a week and the extra weight I've gained is seriously impacting my pull-ups. I kept the weight at 95 lbs and let me tell you, it sucked. 95 was heavy and hard. But I did push through.... eventually. Mentally that wod almost beat me... it was rough. But I did it and felt good that I did it. Tomorrow will be day number 2 this week and hopefully Saturday will be 3. I'm aiming to keep consistant at 3... and be once, twice, three times a CFOT lady this week! WOOT! :)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
In flux...
So, you thought I died didn't you? Admit it, you thought that I got hit on the head with a weight and was no longer? Eh... not so much, but a few weeks after writing up my CrossFit Story: Part Tres, my life went into a full on tailspin as things shifted... AGAIN. In September, after being away from teaching for awhile, I decided that I wasn't ready to be done. I didn't want to leave teaching, but I needed to work on creating a better balance in my life and find a school where I felt supported and not attacked all the time. I started looking at potential openings and went through a lot in the fall as far as employment, and was just getting ready to start subbing with Alexandria when I got a life changing call.
I was taking a full time position, not contracted but temporary, with a 5th grade class in a local school. Of course this happened two days before Christmas and there was no time to talk to my new team or my new principal really before the break came. I was told that I was to start January 3, so everything went into hurry up mode. I had to change my schedule at the restaurant, find all my teaching things that had been shoved in corners and attics, and I needed to get ready to completely flip my life again.
Some of that was easy, other parts of it were not. I was ready to be back on a schedule, but adjusting was not as easy as I thought it'd be. I really wanted to start eating better and get back into team 0515 but it's been a challenge. It's a new district, a new school, a new grade level, and so my focus has really shifted back to work as opposed to working out. I keep missing meals because I'm working, or I'm eating horribly as I'm trying to cram meals in between school and Dogfish. I'm sure that things will calm down soon. It's already been almot a month at this job, and I've learned a lot. I know how they want things done now, so I'm finally getting used to writing lesson plans and doing things the way they want me to. So hopefully within the next few weeks, things will get even easier and I will find a way to get into the box more and have more wods to write about. For the first two-three weeks in there, it was pretty sketchy. One week I only got in one time. It was pretty bad...... but last week I was in three days, and I'm hoping to get in 3-4 days this week. Weather will play a part in that, but hopefully we'll make it through and things will be back to normal in no time. Let's cross our fingers, cause I definitely feel fat and very out of shape!!!
I was taking a full time position, not contracted but temporary, with a 5th grade class in a local school. Of course this happened two days before Christmas and there was no time to talk to my new team or my new principal really before the break came. I was told that I was to start January 3, so everything went into hurry up mode. I had to change my schedule at the restaurant, find all my teaching things that had been shoved in corners and attics, and I needed to get ready to completely flip my life again.
Some of that was easy, other parts of it were not. I was ready to be back on a schedule, but adjusting was not as easy as I thought it'd be. I really wanted to start eating better and get back into team 0515 but it's been a challenge. It's a new district, a new school, a new grade level, and so my focus has really shifted back to work as opposed to working out. I keep missing meals because I'm working, or I'm eating horribly as I'm trying to cram meals in between school and Dogfish. I'm sure that things will calm down soon. It's already been almot a month at this job, and I've learned a lot. I know how they want things done now, so I'm finally getting used to writing lesson plans and doing things the way they want me to. So hopefully within the next few weeks, things will get even easier and I will find a way to get into the box more and have more wods to write about. For the first two-three weeks in there, it was pretty sketchy. One week I only got in one time. It was pretty bad...... but last week I was in three days, and I'm hoping to get in 3-4 days this week. Weather will play a part in that, but hopefully we'll make it through and things will be back to normal in no time. Let's cross our fingers, cause I definitely feel fat and very out of shape!!!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
My CrossFit Story Part Tres: The End of the Honeymoon
We've all been in relationships before in our lives. There's the initial meeting, the butterflies when they ask for your number, the aniticipation of whether or not they'll call, and the giddiness that seems to permeate everything when they finally do. There's the first date, and the subsequent follow-ups, the time where you get comfortable and you become so and so AND so and so, but with most relationships, the honeymoon almost always ends. You realize that it drives you insane when he leaves his smelly gym shorts and socks on the floor and if he leaves the seat up for you to fall in one more time, you swear you're going to kill him. And on the other end, he realizes that if you ask him one more time if the jeans make your butt look big he's going to tell what he really thinks, and that is that if you were so concerned, you shouldn't have had your latte and donut for breakfast! Ahhhh yes, the honeymoon period has come to an end.
The end of the honeymoon period leaves you wondering if you really love this person and if anyone truly ever lives happily ever after. You wonder if after the fact Snow White had a second thought and was like, dude this guy killed my stepmom, maybe he's not so much a catch. Or you find yourself wondering if perhaps Sleeping Beauty thought to herself that marrying the first guy to wake her up wasn't such a hot idea. The end of the honeymoon signals a change in a relationship. It's either time to look at the flaws and continue, or look at the flaws and run like mad for the hills.
It was inevitable I suppose that CrossFit and I would reach the end of our honeymoon stage. It took awhile, but after 3+ years our honeymoon period came to an abrupt end. Sometime not too long after CF regionals CrossFit really began to wear on me. I felt sore all the time, really sluggish during the workouts, and the wods that had been so much fun for me in the past, I wasn't finding enjoyable anymore. Without a warning (perhaps even on a Sunday morning?) the end of the honeymooon came. After all the successes that I've had with CrossFit, after everything we've been through, I just wasn't happy.
Everyone always talks about the CF success stories, myself included, but no one ever talks about what happens after the happily ever after. No one ever stops to ask Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella if they continued in marital bliss or began to cry themselves to sleep on their royal pillows, and no one ever checks back in with the CF success stories after a few more months or years. I feel like it's important then to tackle the flip side of that coin. I feel like it's important for me to share that my honeymoon stage has ended because it has changed, and continues to change how I look at CF.
Honestly, 2 years ago I thought CF was great. I was zoning, I was as lean as I think I've EVER been, healthier for sure, my weights were increasing, my progress was easy to see, and I was in sheer fitness heaven. Everyday was a great blog day, and things were happily ever after. My life was at a point where I had the time, the energy and the focus to work on eating right and improving myself. It's why I became a CF success story so to speak. But I've hit some road blocks in the past few years that for me have been hard to overcome. Life quite frankly has just had my attention on other areas besides CF. My focus has had to be on work (all of them) and trying to sort out what is going to make me happiest in life. Everyone always assumes that CF success stories go off into happily ever afters and become these badasses who just continue to grow and thrive. That hasn't happened for me. To be frank, my fitness has sort of stalled or plateued if you will.
Largely because of my job situation, and a few other personal things, my attention has been turned away from CF, and from maintaining a strict diet. Even now just being down to 1 job from 3, I'm finding it hard to carve out a set schedule (whereas in the past I had been on one) and maintain the momentum of my training and diet. It's been a hard change for me to accept, and truth be told, the mental aspect of it has been more challenging than anything. It's hard to accept that I can't do things as fast as I did, and it's hard to accept that I don't weigh as much as I did. It got to the point for me where in August I had to walk away. CF has been so wonderful for me, and yet, I was absolutely miserable in the box, hated talking to people in the box, and just felt like screaming 90% of the time. I was extremely jealous of other people's successes, frustrated with my lack of it, and had a hard time being supportive of other people. In a box like ours where it truly is a community, that's not an attitude conducive to that environment or continuing to foster it. I had to step back. I had to look at myself and get down to the nitty gritty of things.
And the nitty gritty is this, my life is not the same as it was 2 years ago. Mentally I'm not in the same place as I was then, and employement wise, I'm not in the same type of situation I was then either. Because of that, my training is not in the same place and neither is my thinking. For me, the most focused I ever was, I was hitting the box 5 days a week and then running on a 6th day to prepare for the Baltimore Half Marathon. I leaned out considerably during that time for obvious reasons. I was eating really well, and I was training a lot. Right now, I can't do that. Because of my current situation with my work and finances, my goals right now have shifted dramatically.
After walking away in August, my mindset now is different. I don't necessarily want to be the biggest badass in the county. Sure, it'd be nice, but that's not necessarily what I want. At one point, I sort of wanted to be a badass that everyone looked at and was like damn, but that took a lot of energy and focus that I just can't afford to give to CF right now. Now, what I want is to be able to continue to enjoy my workouts and in general be healthy. I may not be the fastest or the strongest right now, but that's ok, because the bottom line is that I can still DO everything. Getting in to the box and doing something is better than saying I'm not as fast or strong as I used to be so there's no point in going at all. That's just ridiculous.
My goal now is not to continue to try to be a badass. I think those days are gone for awhile, but I want to try to continue to get to the box 4 days a week, 5 if I am able, so that I can at least MAINTAIN a level of fitness. I also have had to realize that with the shift in my employment, now serving full time, I have to take it easy on my body. I need to be able to move to work. There are time constraints at work for our tables. We have certain time limitations to return with drinks, checks, appetizers etc. I need to be able to move to hit those time tables, especially when we start slammin'. If I'm too sore to hustle my ass at work, that's an issue. I want to push myself but be aware that if I'm working a double, or have just pulled three doubles in a row, this takes a toll on my body. I need to be smarter about working out and I'm learning that now. It's taking awhile but I'm learning how to adjust to all of this. I realize that it's not a perfect situation, but life doesn't always allow for perfection, and sometimes as CrossFitters, I think we need to realize that. I think that CrossFit attracts a certain type of person; a driven, competitive, and somewhat perfection oriented individual. Sometimes in our lives, life has other plans besides CF, and you know what, it's ok.
As for the eating, I'm not going to lie. It's good some days, and other days, it's horrible. Sometimes I'm worried about money, so I eat things that are less expensive, which tends to also mean less healthy. However, I look at this situation this way. I'm doing what I need to do to take care of me. This is a temporary situation. CrossFit has taught me how to eat right, and when I'm able, I will. Until I can get myself back on a schedule and manage to get that back in line, I'll make the best choices that I can within my budget constraints. I will admit that the coffee and soda have continued to be a problem, and for me it's largely a crime of opportunity. The soda machine staring me in the face 6 days a week is very different from when it was only 3-4 days when I was serving as a side job. So, again, I'm going to have to begin to make adjustments for this. I'm going to have to figure out how to walk by it and just ignore it. For me, it is my next big challenge.
Really though, the bottom line is that just because the honeymoon has ended, that doesn't mean I've fallen out of love with CF. It just means that CF and I have had to change our relationship. My focuses in the box are different but I feel ok with that. It's not going to be perfect right now. Maybe one day I can get back to being a badass, but for now, I'm trying to find ways to keep this fun and stay healthy. If you're in a place in your life where the honeymoon has ended, I hope you can find a way to push through because CF is truly a wonderful thing. But remember it's not about being the best. It's about being the best version of YOURSELF at any given moment. Your best version of you may not always be the same, but it's still important for you to be the best you can be at that time and in that moment. Just do you.
The end of the honeymoon period leaves you wondering if you really love this person and if anyone truly ever lives happily ever after. You wonder if after the fact Snow White had a second thought and was like, dude this guy killed my stepmom, maybe he's not so much a catch. Or you find yourself wondering if perhaps Sleeping Beauty thought to herself that marrying the first guy to wake her up wasn't such a hot idea. The end of the honeymoon signals a change in a relationship. It's either time to look at the flaws and continue, or look at the flaws and run like mad for the hills.
It was inevitable I suppose that CrossFit and I would reach the end of our honeymoon stage. It took awhile, but after 3+ years our honeymoon period came to an abrupt end. Sometime not too long after CF regionals CrossFit really began to wear on me. I felt sore all the time, really sluggish during the workouts, and the wods that had been so much fun for me in the past, I wasn't finding enjoyable anymore. Without a warning (perhaps even on a Sunday morning?) the end of the honeymooon came. After all the successes that I've had with CrossFit, after everything we've been through, I just wasn't happy.
Everyone always talks about the CF success stories, myself included, but no one ever talks about what happens after the happily ever after. No one ever stops to ask Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella if they continued in marital bliss or began to cry themselves to sleep on their royal pillows, and no one ever checks back in with the CF success stories after a few more months or years. I feel like it's important then to tackle the flip side of that coin. I feel like it's important for me to share that my honeymoon stage has ended because it has changed, and continues to change how I look at CF.
Honestly, 2 years ago I thought CF was great. I was zoning, I was as lean as I think I've EVER been, healthier for sure, my weights were increasing, my progress was easy to see, and I was in sheer fitness heaven. Everyday was a great blog day, and things were happily ever after. My life was at a point where I had the time, the energy and the focus to work on eating right and improving myself. It's why I became a CF success story so to speak. But I've hit some road blocks in the past few years that for me have been hard to overcome. Life quite frankly has just had my attention on other areas besides CF. My focus has had to be on work (all of them) and trying to sort out what is going to make me happiest in life. Everyone always assumes that CF success stories go off into happily ever afters and become these badasses who just continue to grow and thrive. That hasn't happened for me. To be frank, my fitness has sort of stalled or plateued if you will.
Largely because of my job situation, and a few other personal things, my attention has been turned away from CF, and from maintaining a strict diet. Even now just being down to 1 job from 3, I'm finding it hard to carve out a set schedule (whereas in the past I had been on one) and maintain the momentum of my training and diet. It's been a hard change for me to accept, and truth be told, the mental aspect of it has been more challenging than anything. It's hard to accept that I can't do things as fast as I did, and it's hard to accept that I don't weigh as much as I did. It got to the point for me where in August I had to walk away. CF has been so wonderful for me, and yet, I was absolutely miserable in the box, hated talking to people in the box, and just felt like screaming 90% of the time. I was extremely jealous of other people's successes, frustrated with my lack of it, and had a hard time being supportive of other people. In a box like ours where it truly is a community, that's not an attitude conducive to that environment or continuing to foster it. I had to step back. I had to look at myself and get down to the nitty gritty of things.
And the nitty gritty is this, my life is not the same as it was 2 years ago. Mentally I'm not in the same place as I was then, and employement wise, I'm not in the same type of situation I was then either. Because of that, my training is not in the same place and neither is my thinking. For me, the most focused I ever was, I was hitting the box 5 days a week and then running on a 6th day to prepare for the Baltimore Half Marathon. I leaned out considerably during that time for obvious reasons. I was eating really well, and I was training a lot. Right now, I can't do that. Because of my current situation with my work and finances, my goals right now have shifted dramatically.
After walking away in August, my mindset now is different. I don't necessarily want to be the biggest badass in the county. Sure, it'd be nice, but that's not necessarily what I want. At one point, I sort of wanted to be a badass that everyone looked at and was like damn, but that took a lot of energy and focus that I just can't afford to give to CF right now. Now, what I want is to be able to continue to enjoy my workouts and in general be healthy. I may not be the fastest or the strongest right now, but that's ok, because the bottom line is that I can still DO everything. Getting in to the box and doing something is better than saying I'm not as fast or strong as I used to be so there's no point in going at all. That's just ridiculous.
My goal now is not to continue to try to be a badass. I think those days are gone for awhile, but I want to try to continue to get to the box 4 days a week, 5 if I am able, so that I can at least MAINTAIN a level of fitness. I also have had to realize that with the shift in my employment, now serving full time, I have to take it easy on my body. I need to be able to move to work. There are time constraints at work for our tables. We have certain time limitations to return with drinks, checks, appetizers etc. I need to be able to move to hit those time tables, especially when we start slammin'. If I'm too sore to hustle my ass at work, that's an issue. I want to push myself but be aware that if I'm working a double, or have just pulled three doubles in a row, this takes a toll on my body. I need to be smarter about working out and I'm learning that now. It's taking awhile but I'm learning how to adjust to all of this. I realize that it's not a perfect situation, but life doesn't always allow for perfection, and sometimes as CrossFitters, I think we need to realize that. I think that CrossFit attracts a certain type of person; a driven, competitive, and somewhat perfection oriented individual. Sometimes in our lives, life has other plans besides CF, and you know what, it's ok.
As for the eating, I'm not going to lie. It's good some days, and other days, it's horrible. Sometimes I'm worried about money, so I eat things that are less expensive, which tends to also mean less healthy. However, I look at this situation this way. I'm doing what I need to do to take care of me. This is a temporary situation. CrossFit has taught me how to eat right, and when I'm able, I will. Until I can get myself back on a schedule and manage to get that back in line, I'll make the best choices that I can within my budget constraints. I will admit that the coffee and soda have continued to be a problem, and for me it's largely a crime of opportunity. The soda machine staring me in the face 6 days a week is very different from when it was only 3-4 days when I was serving as a side job. So, again, I'm going to have to begin to make adjustments for this. I'm going to have to figure out how to walk by it and just ignore it. For me, it is my next big challenge.
Really though, the bottom line is that just because the honeymoon has ended, that doesn't mean I've fallen out of love with CF. It just means that CF and I have had to change our relationship. My focuses in the box are different but I feel ok with that. It's not going to be perfect right now. Maybe one day I can get back to being a badass, but for now, I'm trying to find ways to keep this fun and stay healthy. If you're in a place in your life where the honeymoon has ended, I hope you can find a way to push through because CF is truly a wonderful thing. But remember it's not about being the best. It's about being the best version of YOURSELF at any given moment. Your best version of you may not always be the same, but it's still important for you to be the best you can be at that time and in that moment. Just do you.
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