Monday, June 28, 2010

So where were we?

It's been over a week since I've been able to get to the computer.  This is both a good and bad thing.  It's a good thing because it means that I've been busy ending a chapter in my life.  It's a bad thing because I haven't been blogging, and I haven't had as much time as I would like to devote to eating well.  It seems I go through a few good days and a few bad days of eating at a time, but I always come back to the good in the end.  It's good because I know what is and isn't healthy now, and I always come back to the healthy stuff when I can.  But at the same time, it's bad because it seems that my life lately seems to be getting in the way of the healthy.  I have ordered Primal BluePrint from Amazon to brush up on the actual do's and don'ts and hopefully now that I'm done ending a chapter of my life, I will be able to sit and read and actually DO the things I want to do.  As I sit typing this, there is a mostly primal pot of chili simmering on the stove, just waiting to be topped with a smidge of sour cream and cheese and completely enjoyed by me.  I'm hoping that nights like this will become more frequent and more varied as well. 

Only time will tell what will and won't happen, and we all know that in the past I've made plans that haven't quite worked out the way I'd like.  I'm feeling more positive this time though due to the changes I've been making in my life.  I have been so busy these last few weeks because I decided to quit my job, well, my full time job anyway.  I still am employed at my restaurant and am still coaching, but I've decided that teaching is no longer for me.  I couldn't continue to work 3 jobs just so that I could continue to be a teacher.  In the end, it wasn't worth it.  I was getting a lot of abuse, having more and more work piled on me, and I truly wasn't happy.  I'm a firm believer in the idea that only YOU can make YOU happy.  You can't wait for something or someone else to do that for you.  So, I took the plunge so to speak and I'm trying to figure out what exactly is going to make me happy.  I know that for a little while anyway the money is ok, but I have begun to scour the internet for possibilities and options.  I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen, but I'm hoping that it's something good.  I'm hoping that I did the right thing. 

As I was packing up my classroom, it was a lot harder than I thought.  Putting 5 years of your life into boxes is a hard thing to do.  Consolidating, deciding what to keep, toss, and donate was like parting with children.  While packing, I finally realized just how much of myself and my own money I'd been putting into this job.  There is literally probably $10,000 worth of supplies that I purchased, just to be able to DO my job.  Somewhere in there that doesn't seem to make sense.  Why in the world were those things not purchased by the schools? Why are teachers spending that much of their OWN money?  In the end I decided to keep most of my things in case I ever decide to go back, but it was truly eye opening to realize just how much there is.  Not to mention, it was just truly sad. 

So, the boxing and the moving and the sorting has taken a while.... not to mention, until last Thursday, I was actually TEACHING.  It seemed like this year was never going to end, but it did, and one chapter of my life has ended while another one is just beginning.  I'm trying hard not to worry about the money, but of course, I am.  For someone who has always had money issues, that's a hard thing not to do.  But, like I always do, I'm going to keep on trying.  A door has closed, but perhaps a window has opened. 

Before I go though, there's just one other thing I want to touch upon.  DATING.  Is anyone reading this really good at it? Because if so, I'm willing to hire you to give me lessons.  I SUCK at it.  Very very very very badly.  It never fails that I always seem to say the WRONG things at the WRONG time, and that when I try to express myself, it always just comes out WRONG. I actually met someone whose company I REALLY enjoy.  We hung out a few times, and already I seem to have completely fuzzed up EVERYTHING just because I am who I am.  I'm not saying I thought we were headed for relationship land, but I really was interested in getting to know this person better and seeing where things might possibly lead.... but no sooner did they start than it seems like they have ended just as quickly. I always seem to speak too much, text too much, or in general just be TOO much.  I have literally been sitting on my hands, trying to reel in my excess of communication but it just seems like I always f up.  I really liked this person's sense of humor, and I'm totally bummed that again, I seem to have stuck my foot in my mouth and ruined everything.  Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm totally at a loss here.  What did I just say though? I should keep trying... :( I just don't know that this is a horse I WANT to get back on.... regardless though, I have other things to focus on now, and they SHOULD be my focus now anyway.  But regardless, I'm still bummed.  Harumpf... :(


Breeegzkm said...

You shouldn't have to sit on your hands for the right person...

Katie said...

Very true, but I am what my ex likes to call an "overcommunicator". For the small fledging beginnings of a well, something... my tendency to talk ALL the gd time can be somewhat... well... a cross between annoying and overwhelming... I am trying to be better about this... c'mon... you've seen me ramble... ;) LOL.