Thursday, June 28, 2012

How to Date a CrossFitter.... if you are one...

So, last week I gave out some helpful tips for people who wanted to date a CrossFitter, but were not CrossFitters themselves.  So, I guess it's only fair if I give some dating advice for people who are CrossFitters.  Since I'm single, I'm not really sure if I SHOULD be giving dating advice, but.... meh, oh well.  I'll do it anyway, cuz, well, it's my blog and I can! 

How to Date a CrossFitter....if you are one!

I think it's always better to start with the DON'TS and get them out of the way... so let's do that again shall we? Some of these rules may only apply if we CrossFit together, others are universal! 


1.  Touch my knife, don't touch my Johnson...or my weights- This rule really only applies if we happen to CrossFit at the same box, but it's an important one.  You'd be pissy if somebody messed with your weights mid-wod, so why do it to your SO? That's even MORE annoying.  Just becuase I'm your SO that doesn't mean that I won't be annoyed if you try to share/mess with my stuff.  It also doesn't mean I won't smack you in the face with my kettlebell.  So, bottom line, HANDS OFF! 

2.  Forget that WOD time is WOD time.- I realize that you like my butt, and that my boobs look AWESOME in my Lulu tanktop, HOWEVER, time and place buddy.  I also realize that I'm freaking awesome and that you want to tell me how much you love me.... but.... again, time and place.  While I do enjoy the ocassional chalk print on my butt, when we're wodding, please refrain from calling me shnookums, baby cakes, and pookey, and store up all those lovey dovey things for later.... when I can properly show you how much I appreciate them..... *hint hint, wink wink* I have a totally badass reputation to uphold in the box, and I won't have others thinking it's ok to call me shmoopy pants.  If you choose to ignore this rule, I promise I will reveal your mother's pet name for you and post your naked baby photos to Facebook.  And perhaps a few embarassing photos of you from the mid-90's.  Consider yourself warned.  

3.  Whine if I can clean/snatch/overhead squat more than you.- Listen, we all have our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to CrossFit.  I just happen to be good at lifting heavy things after being a swimmer for 16 years, but I SUCK when it comes to metcons.  So please don't get all mopey and act like a 3rd grader if I happen to clean more than you on a given day.  It's not sexy.  Whining about it just might make me accidentally dump my bar on you.  And I don't care who you are.... 100 pounds is 100 pounds and it hurts if I slam it into you.

4.  Rub it in that you are more like Speedy Gonzalez than me.-  Trying to make yourself feel better about your strength weakness by rubbing it in that you are faster than me makes my attraction to you fade faster than than New Kids on the Block comeback.  Don't try to put me down to build yourself up.  Embrace your weaknesses and do work, son!

5.  Fan your feathers. - Ok, so let's say you're a guy that CAN lift more than me.  You don't need to flaunt it at every turn. If I drop my bar and it needs to be back on the rack, I'll strip it, or tag team it back up there.  I don't need you to come over and clean/snatch my 1RM like it's child play.  Really? I get it, you're able to lift my 1RM easily.  Put the plummage away and go lift something else besides MY bar.  

6.  Think it's necessary to make me jealous by wodding shirtless and flirting at the gym- If you have to ask why, then this is CLEARLY not going to work.  If you like to wod shirtless 'cause you do, that's one thing.  If you need to have every female at the gym staring at you and touching your perfectly formed six-pack, then move along.  I like you because I like YOU, not your biceps and six-pack.  Although they are nice to see and touch.... they're NOT why I'm dating you.  

7.  Play "the penis mightier" with all the guys at the gym- Listen, you like me, that's cool and I dig that. But our thing is our thing, and the whole world does not need to be informed.  If we like each other, sooner or later, people WILL figure it out.  You don't need to give every man at the box the "hands-off" talk, or the "eyes-off" talk either.  Many of those guys are my friends and us dating won't change that.  If you can't handle me having male friends, I suggest you do like Michael Jackson and "beat it".  


1.  Feel free to cheer for me.- So long as you're not calling me baby cakes, shmoopy, or any other pet name, I whole-heartedly appreciate your support, especially if it's during a metcon! 

2.  Celebrate my success.- Be proud of me when I do something good and I promise that I will cheer just as loud when you hit a big PR! 

3.  Tell me how hot I look after a WOD.- If you'd like to tell me AFTER the WOD how hot I look without any make-up and drenched in sweat.... well then, by all means! :) 

4.  Be my partner.-  We don't need to do EVERY partner WOD together, we don't have an imbilical cord after all, but I don't think there's anything wrong with us WODding together. 

5.  Practice being healthy with me.- There is strength in numbers.  Healthy eating and wod habits are easier to keep when there is a buddy system.  Think "Thunder buddies for life!" So let's get together and work on our world dominance.... ok ok fine... maybe just our CrossFit dominance.  

So there you have it folks.... How to Date a CrossFitter... if you are a CrossFitter.  As usual, I reserve the right to ammend my list! :) Hope it made you giggle at least a little! :) 

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