As a single, now thirty something living in DC, I can attest to the fact that dating is difficult. You have the other person's quirks, your own insecurities, and not to mention schedules. I mean, who knew that dating required you to have ready access to your Google calendar just to make sure your evening was free? Didn't this use to be easier? Now, dating is hard enough on its own, but as a CrossFitter, we add a WHOLE other level of complicatedness to things. That's right, I said complicatedness. I invented a new word this morning. You should NOT be shocked by this at all. Anyway, I've decided that to help UNcomplicate things, I would make a handy little list of do's and DON'Ts for those non-CrossFitters out there to help deal with us CrossFitters in the dating world. Get ready for it folks, 'cause here it is...
How to Date a CrossFitter.... if you're not one
I think it's always easier to start with the don'ts.... so let's warn the nice folks up front, shall we?
1. Compare your workout to mine- I have no burning desire to hear all about how you are such a badass because you did 10X5 sets of dumbbell curls at the gym and how your traps are so massive. Great, good for you... but if it came down to it, could you pick me up and run with me from a burning building? No? You can't because you spent all your time watching your perfect self in the mirror? Ok, well you bascially just admitted that to me, so chances are I'm going to forgo a second date with you. Avoid killing the relationship before the relationship sperm can connect with the relationship egg and form a beautiful relationship baby. Practice verbal self-restraint!!!
2. Tell me that CrossFit is too expensive and lame and that you don't understand why people do it.- The door is there. Any questions?
3. Complain about my calluses.- I worked hard to get those and I will not hesitate to slap you with them.
4. Tell me that I should/not eat (insert food here)
.- Listen, I'm dating you. You're not my nutritionist... well unless you were my nutritionist and now we're on a date, but whatevs..... If we HAPPEN into a conversation about food, great! But don't sit and analyze what's on my plate or offer me your food advice. Chances are, if you do, I will hammer throw my plate at your face and you will STILL pay for my dinner. 'Cuz that's how I roll.
5. Complain about my 0515 or 1745 workouts.- Regardless of whether I go early in the morning or late at night, my time is my time and those crazy mothers in there with me are my family. Try to come between me and my family and I will "go to the mattresses". Ya heard?
6. Tell me that my bruises look "suspicious".- REALLY?!?!?! *BITCH SLAP*
7. Question my workout wardrobe.- Ok, so I'm a thirty year old woman who likes glitter. I get it. It's a little odd, but work with me. Like you don't have any out of the ordinary obsessions? Please. That collection of Marvel super hero beer steins isn't exactly SCREAMING well-rounded man. And as for my knee-high sock collection... if my outfits are going to match, I really DO need to have a wide variety of colors. Who cares if they take up half my underwear/sock drawer? And are my pants too tight for the gym? NO. Tighter pants, means better bar path. If the dudes stare at my butt, better for you because, while they may get to look, you're the one that gets to touch. Well, maybe. It depends, what date number is this? I reserve the right to withhold butt touching until the second date.
8. You dare tell me that lifting heavy weights will make me look like a man.- Do I look like I have a penis and brostache to you? Clearly not if you agreed to go on a date with me.
9. Touch my bar, or my jumprope.- Ever see Finding Nemo? MINE!
10. Play "the penis mightier" with the guys at the gym.- They're my friends. I'm on a date with you. Any questions?
1. Support my goals.- I love CrossFit and I will work hard to be better at it. Instead of trying to hold me down, help me work towards being leaner and more badass. I'll be even sexier in the long run, and that can only work out well for both of us. ;)
2. Learn the lingo.- Even though it may seem like I talk in riddles with acronyms all the time, trying to understand and asking questions will make you even more attractive in the long run. And it will be super hot when you ask me how my Fran time was today.
3. Just do it.- Try a wod. If it's not for you, it's not for you. But the couple that WOD's together, stays together. Just sayin'.
4. Be your own healthy individual.- If CrossFit's not for you, ok. Then do your own thing, unless it's tricep kickbacks and bicep curls.... I am not sure I could handle that. I promise I'll be as supportive of you as you are of me, but don't be a couch potato. If I really like you, I'd like you to still be around in 30 years.... maybe....
5. Understand that chalk and bruises wind up in LOTS of places.- No, REALLY.
6. Keep a few ice packs on hand at your place.- Ocassionally, I may need you to play doctor.
7. Try not to stare at all the other girls at the CrossFit competitions.- I know it's hard, but I said TRY. You're there for me, remember? And if you want to go home with me.... well, eyes forward.
8. Believe that even if Rich Froning walked into the room and asked me to make out with him, I'd still go home with you.
There you have it folks. The Do's and Don'ts of dating a CrossFitter.... if you're not a CrossFitter. Coming soon, the Do's and Don'ts of dating a CrossFitter.... if you ARE a CrossFitter.