Restful Ramblings: If CrossFit Ruled the World

If CrossFit ruled the world things would be much different, and much better. How so you ask? Well, allow me to enlighten you... :)

If CrossFit Ruled the World....

-The winning lottery numbers everyday would be 21-15-9

-All the globo gyms would be replaced with CF boxes with garage doors

-Annie, Fran, Grace, Helen, Eva, Kelly, Karen, Angie et al. would have stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

-Your title and salary at work would be based on three qualifications: Your CF total, your Fran time, and your max number of pull-ups

-Everything would be done for time, except for sex which would be AMRAP

-Parks would no longer be for children, and you would no longer get in trouble for throwing your rings over a tree branch

-All restaurants would be Zone friendly

-Billboards would be showing adds of strong fit women, instead of skinny heroin chic models

-On our money, "In God We Trust" would be replaced with "In Coach Glassman We Trust"

-People would travel to CA to pay homage to CrossFit where it began

-3-2-1 Go! would become our new national motto

-Our national symbol would just be a picture of Pukie

-Anyone caught attempting to use a stairmaster would be forced to replace their workout with AMRAP stairs in 20 minutes

-Anyone attempting to open a globo gym would be prosecuted to the full extent of the law... this could potentially include Painstorm workouts or death

-Olympic events would include things like Atlas Stone throwing and Hooverball. Every Olympics would also be held in Aromas

-People would be made fun of if they did not have calluses or torn blisters

-Failure to meet deadlines at work would result in a "Funishment" workout

-Things like housework would be done as intervals

-PVC pipe stocks would go through the roof, as would stocks for white boards and dry erase markers

-Gas prices would be irrelevant as you would now be forced to run everywhere... for time

-Chuck Norris would be forced to stop selling the Total Body Gym and would be forced to focus solely on his acting, well and his roundhouse kick

-Bowflex would no longer be helping 50 year old accountants in rock bands have the rock hard bodies they've always wanted

-We would no longer be forced to listen to or see Richard Simmons sweat to the oldies

-Billy Blanks and his Tae Bo routine would disappear

-Clothes would fit correctly because desingers would actually make them for people who really work out

-Kool-aid would become much more popular... ;)