I woke up when ye olde alarm clock went off at 0400 and rolled over, still half asleep, to turn it off. As I climbed sleepily out of bed, I flipped open the computer and what to my wondering eyes did appear? A wod full of pull-ups, push-ups, and 8 tiny reindeer... wait a tic... there weren't any reindeer... but there were push-ups and pull-ups and in pretty high volume too.
My first thought was, I need to go do this. I need to get work in. My second thought was, oh hellz no. I am not going to get f'ed up again. I'm not going to lie. That was literally all it took for me to go from, "let's do this and let's get back at this" to "we're not doing this". All of a sudden the healing game has nothing to do with my body and everything to do with my head. Could I have gone and just subbed out the volume, yeah. Should I have? Probably. Did I? No.
Like a little pussy cat, I got scared. My body was going, "Katie you really ought to go the gym" while my head was saying, "There is no way in hell you are going to the gym and doing a wod that essentially destroyed you." And the funny thing is, I knew that there was no weight vest this time, and I know that I probably could have done some of it. But I was just too scared.
So, after I totally psyched myself out, I went back to bed and later headed off to my work day. After work though, I was really upset with myself. I should have gone. I am deathly afraid of hurting myself again, but you know what they say about that horse. You gotta get back on... I suppose I do... it's just... well it's scary to get back on... So instead of getting in for a wod, I decided to go for a run. I geared up and hit CFOT around 800 or so... just in time for it to get dark, but it was so warm this week that it was actually a perfect night for a run.
We have a loop measured out around CFOT that we use for Murph. I decided to hit that and just run. This was a great plan except for a few minor details. 1.) Chafing. I totally wore the wrong shorts and it's CLEAR my thighs have gained weight. 2.) My knees are not used to running long distances and they were none too happy with me. 3.) It was almost 830 and I was really hungry.
Regardless, I did manage to get 3 loops in which is a total of 3 miles, so it was still a good workout for me. I didn't have a watch to clock me so I am guessing that it was roughly 35 minutes or so because I stopped to stretch/adjust my clothes a few times. I'm still disappointed that I turned into a headcase, but I'm glad I did get some work in after all. Something is better than nothing right? I'm going to keep working on the mental stuff....