Over the last several months, you and I have had quite a turbulent relationship. At times, it seemed like we were growing closer. At other times, it seemed like we were really drifting farther apart. Despite all the time we've spent together, I really feel that we're just not meant to be. I'm sure you've seen this coming for sometime now, but I really just need to tell you that, it's over.
You see, you just don't do it for me. I mean, now your friends, OHS and Jerk, well, I just find myself more attracted to them. Please don't take this as a personal afront, I mean, you're a great movement and all designed to work my core, and work on my upper body strength, but realistically, I just don't see us working out. I'm happier when I have something in my hands that I can grip and throw around, and you just don't offer me that. I mean, for months we've struggled through rep after rep, and workout after workout, and I just don't see our relationship going anywhere. We've tried intense counseling sessions, but nothing has really worked, and truthfully, you've caused me nothing but severe pain and anguish. I really feel that this is not a healthy relationship for me any longer, and I'm sorry but I just can't do it.
Now, I don't want you to worry. When I see you at the box, I'll still be cool and say "hi", but we won't be spending large amounts of time together anymore I'm afraid. And I'd really appreciate it if you could please try to be nice to OHS and Jerk, I mean after all, they really are just innocent bystanders in this sticky mess. Oh, and whatever you do, don't do that RIDICULOUS macho thing you do and try to be tough on me. It just doesn't work on me anymore, and truthfully it makes you look like a raging idiot. And please, try not to be jealous that I've moved on to other movements. I'm sure someday soon you will too after your heart mends itself and you get over the pain of losing me. I will forever respect you and be thankful for our time together and I wish you all the best in your future without me.
PS- I'm sorry that I wrote this on a Post-It. ;)