Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Top 34 Ways You Know You Are LEGIT CrossFit...

Oh, now I know you saw that title and just cheered. :) It's been awhile, but my list is making a comeback. I had some things that just had to be added up there. They were too good not to add on. For those of you who are just reading for the first time, awhile back I began compling a list of ways to know if you are truly a LEGIT CrossFitter or one of those faux ones like in my C*ck Block blog... So, since they are sort of scattered in other blogs, I'm recreating the full list, and adding on #33 and #34... Enjoy! :)

The Top 34 Ways You Know You Are Legit CrossFit

34. You hit 7 straight CrossFit days in a row because you don't want to miss any of the fun during the workouts. During these said seven days, you manage to hit the Trevor Win'E workout, and Miami Vice.

33. One of your friends asks you a question. What 3 things would you take with you on a deserted island. You immediately reply chocolate then stop to think about number 2. You decide on a solar powered wireless laptop so that you can continue to keep up your CrossFit blog because you decide you will continue to do CrossFit on the island. You spend the better part of your afternoon then trying to devise a method of using set numbers of coconuts on a straight branch as a adjustable weight bar, while using coconuts weighted with sand as dumbbells so that you can hit some CrossFit workouts. You do of course realize that this is completely hypothetical and will probably never happen, and that you are completely wasting your time, but nonetheless you do it anyway. You also devise a new implement called a coconut bell, which has palm fronds linked through holes in the sides of the coconut that you made with a rock, so that you can swing it. Ah yes... creativity (and CrossFit addiction) at its finest! :)

32. While your students are playing on the playground, you notice that one of your boys on the monkey bars swings really well. You think to yourself that he would be a great candidate for learning a kipping pull up. You debate about teaching him before you realize that he'll probably hit his head on the monkey bars, thus prompting a law suit, and you therefore opt against it. (Hey, school's for learning right? ;) )

31. After traveling 500 miles and dropping $$ on a hotel room for an awesome beer festival, you decide to be the DD and not partake, all so you can hit your CrossFit workout in the morning.

30. In an effort to eat healthy so you can nail a few extra reps/pounds at your next workout, you decide to have yogurt for breakfast. In your morning haste, you drop the yogurt in the *ehem* area on your nice black pants. You then walk around the rest of the day with some suspicious looking white stains on the front of your pants in your *ehem* region and are forced to deal with all the suspicious stares of your coworkers. Oh for the love of CrossFit!

29. While your wife is busy using your car, you are determined to find a way to get your new weights into your CrossFit room for your morning workout. You resort to using a wheelbarrow, only to get pulled over by the cops because you "look suspicious" pushing a wheelbarrow full of weights. (Apparently at 5am weights in a wheelbarrow closely resemble a dead body)

28. When you hear T-pain sing about zoning, you assume he is on the same diet plan that you are.

27. When told two days in advance what your workout will be, it causes you to have nightmares about people breaking limbs and doing ring dips over a moat full of alligators.

26. In order not to miss a regularly scheduled workout, you make sure that when you drop your car off at the garage that they schedule a loaner for you. You then spend the next few days driving around in a busted up, brokedown, baby blue, 1988 Buick hooptie all so you can CrossFit.

25. Due to all your CrossFit bruises, you find yourself making comments like, "It's a good thing I don't have a boyfriend 'cause he'd swear I was cheating on him."

24. You know how many CrossFitters it takes to screw in a light bulb. (3...1 to screw it in, 1 to count their reps, and 1 to photograph it.)

23. You come up with random questions like, "If CrossFit were a superhero, what super power would it have?" or, "If CrossFit and Xena Warrior Princess were to fight, who would win?"

22. You find yourself speaking about CrossFit as if it were a real person.

21. You understand what WOD, AMRAP, and all the other CrossFit acronyms mean.

20. You're boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse refuses to hold your hand because of your calluses. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse may also at some other point have asked you to stop rubbing their arm, back, shoulder, etc. because your calluses were scratching them.

19. While looking online to buy CrossFit toys for home, you burst into laughter when you find that the site you are looking at recommends that a women start with a "challenging" 15lb kettlebell, while men work with a 35.

18. You are on a first name basis and regularly hang out with Angie, Fran, Helen, Grace, Nancy, Elizabeth, Cindy, Karen, and all the other ladies.

17. After listening to you describe your workouts, your family and friends have suggested that you seek psychiatric treatment.

16. The laundry pile in your room is so rank it could probably stand up and walk out on its own.

15. After being injured doing your workout, you recruit people to CrossFit while they exmine you in the ER.

14. You talk about CrossFit so much that your friends and family are not 100% sure you have not joined a mysterious new occult.

13. You don't count reps if you don't get your chest to the deck, or your chin over the bar.

12. You're so beefed up that your instructor has to buy heavier kettlebells just for you.

11. The Zone requires you to hit the grocery store so often that all the cashiers know you by first name.

10. You've kipped yourself off a bar.

9. You've called in sick to work because you busted through an epic the day before and now can't walk/lift your arms/move.

8. You can no longer attend church because it interferes with your Sunday workouts. (not to mention CrossFit and Pukie are your gods now)

7. You get upset if the WOD DOESN'T make you sweat so much that you are forced to change your shirt halfway through your workout. (Visit Rick at Crossfit Alamo for more on this one... ;) )

6. To you, the "Filthy Fifty" does not carry any sexual innuendo or reference someone's age.

5. You use CrossFit for dating advice.

4. You have been caught telling eight year olds (spouses, your own children, or fellow coworkers) to "Rest Later" and get their work done NOW. There's plenty of time for rest when it's finished!

3. While at the bar with your friends you debate whether or not you should take your next shot because you don't have a string cheese in your pocket for the block of protein you need to balance with the block of carbs in your shot of tequila/JD/Hennesey/Hypnotiq. (But let's be honest, some of these choices should probably be more carefully considered anyway....)

2. When your boss pulls a surprise added shift to your schedule that requires you to work a double and would require you to miss a planned CrossFit hero workout, you immediately plan to show up late so you can hit the workout anyway. You hit the workout and pay a $15 shower fee at the gym before going to work, all so you can hit Daniel. In the hurry to shower and get to work, you realize in your rush out of the house, you forgot a towel, so you are forced to drip dry/dry yourself with your sweat drenched clothes so you can manage to only be a half hour late to work. All for the love of Daniel.

And the number one way you know you are CrossFit LEGIT....

1. You chose your vacation desitinations based on their proximity to a CrossFit affiliate. You also actively plan your vacation activities around their workout schedule so you can still hit four workouts per week.

15 comments:

Splint Chesthair said...

I find myself scouting "wild" pull-ups stations. I think it comes from people saying they can't do pull-ups because they don't have a pull-up bar. I know 4 places on the way to work where I can do pull-ups, not counting the pull-up bars at the parks.

Katie said...

Splint, I do the same thing. I look at pipes and bars and wonder if I could get a circuit in with them. Playgrounds are hard because of the paint, but I look at other places too. I notice though Splint that you didn't share where those 4 places are... trying to keep them to yourself? ;)

Jerry said...

i can relate to most of these...weird.

thanks for the words of encouragement on yesterday's WOD. it seems like every month or so i just have a really, really poor workout and yesterday was no exception. but hey, it can't get any worse today, right?

and to avoid confusion, feel free to call me jb instead of jerry

georgia said...

#33 - you watch too much Lost!!!

Katie said...

Actually, blame Tanya. She asked the question... ;) My #3 was Netflix... I've already got the solar powered laptop....:)

Adrienne said...

still love the list.. love the additions.

My favorite "wild" pull-up stations usually have to do with trees. I used to do a little Murph style workout on a tree in Georgetown near the row house. People would look at me like I was crazy. Gotta love it.

Recently, I've been wondering if it would pay off to hang from the tree and throw my legs up around the branch. Kind of like a knees to elbows, but the arms would be on the different side of the branch instead of on the same side. Make sense?

Katie said...

Adrienne, I'm not 100% sure that I understand... but I'm more of a visual learner. If you show me, I'll get it. :) Do you want to join me on my deserted island and do some thrusters with my coconut bar? :) Well, I guess then it's not really deserted is it? Eh, well, would you like to come to my semi-inhabited island and do some coconut swings? :)

Katie said...

Jerry, you're not weird... just LEGIT! :)

georgia said...

Adrienne - Isn't that like Flying Arm Bar?

Katie said...

Oh... ok... new visual... now I got it. Hold the branch and swing legs around branch almost like a flying arm bar? Georgia, you're so good with understanding things... :P

Stuart said...

#35

When you offer to read your girls their bedtime books one of two ways:

- Their favorite book AMRAP 20 minutes

- Or 4 books of their choosing...for time

#36

Your seven-year-old daughter does 50 situps for time (2:28) and you "reward" her by showing her proper technique for dumbell push presses (5 lbs). She thinks its cool and insists that you "tell your coach."

Katie said...

Stuart! Those are awesome additions! I love it! :) LOL.

Rich Blackman said...

I thought of one yesterday while sweating it up at Alamo CF.

What if you keep your crappy Globo-gym membership just so you can use their showers after CrossFitting?

That one made me chuckle. Love the blog, keep'em coming...

Sorry about the alias, stole it from Deion "Prime Time" Sanders..."Rich Black-Man, table for four". LMAO

Katie said...

Rick...! Just found your comment! Apparently I need to email myself when people make comments or I miss them! A year later is better than never right? ;) Adding it to make a nice even #36... ;)

Katie said...

Oops... curse my bad spelling, I meant Rich! :)