Friday, April 11, 2008

The Top 20 Ways You Know You Are CrossFit LEGIT!

So per my c*ck block blog, we now all know that there are faux CrossFitters among us. Oh yes, they walk among us, talk like us, might look like us, perhaps even work out with us. But they are not true CrossFitters. Oh no. They boast, they brag, they claim to "kill" workouts. But they are not true CrossFitters. They are not LEGIT. They are content with their things the way they are... never striving to push themselves to that ultimate limit. So, in case you think that you may have spotted an imposter moving amongst you... here are some sure fire ways that you can tell them apart. A REAL CrossFitter will probably answer yes to many, if not all of these. A faux CrossFitter... well, need I say more? If you suspect someone is not fo' real... first contact the proper local CrossFit authorities and let them know that they have a CrossFit impersonator on their hands...then, if you know that they can't answer yes to any of these... feel free to kick them in the head and then duct tape some weights to their hands. Then tell 'em I said, "PONY UP!"

I wrote a top ten list a while back, but I've had so much new info lately... 10 just wasn't enough anymore... ;) So....

Here are the Top 20 Ways You Know You Are CrossFit LEGIT!

20. You understand what WOD, AMRAP, and all the other CrossFit acronyms mean.

19. You're boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse refuses to hold your hand because of your calluses. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse may also at some other point have asked you to stop rubbing their arm, back, shoulder, etc. because your calluses were scratching them.

18. While looking online to buy CrossFit toys for home, you burst into laughter when you find that the site you are looking at recommends that a women start with a "challenging" 15lb kettlebell, while men work with a 35.

17. You are on a first name basis and regularly hang out with Angie, Fran, Helen, Grace, Nancy, Elizabeth, Cindy, Karen, and all the other ladies.

16. After listening to you describe your workouts, your family and friends have suggested that you seek psychiatric treatment.

15. The laundry pile in your room is so rank it could probably stand up and walk out on its own.

14. After being injured doing your workout, you recruit people to CrossFit while they exmine you in the ER.

13. You talk about CrossFit so much that your friends and family are not 100% sure you have not joined a mysterious new occult.

12. You don't count reps if you don't get your chest to the deck, or your chin over the bar.

11. You're so beefed up that your instructor has to buy heavier kettlebells just for you.

10. The Zone requires you to hit the grocery store so often that all the cashiers know you by first name.

9. You've kipped yourself off a bar.

8. You've called in sick to work because you busted through an epic the day before and now can't walk/lift your arms/move.

7. You can no longer attend church because it interferes with your Sunday workouts. (not to mention CrossFit and Pukie are your gods now)

6. You get upset if the WOD DOESN'T make you sweat so much that you are forced to change your shirt halfway through your workout. (Visit Rick at Crossfit Alamo for more on this one... ;) )

5. To you, the "Filthy Fifty" does not carry any sexual innuendo or reference someone's age.

4. You stopped dating someone because they were a faux CrossFitter.

3. You have been caught telling eight year olds (spouses, your own children, or fellow coworkers) to "Rest Later" and get their work done NOW. There's plenty of time for rest when it's finished!

2. While at the bar with your friends you debate whether or not you should take your next shot because you don't have a string cheese in your pocket for the block of protein you need to balance with the block of carbs in your shot of tequila/JD/Hennesey/Hypnotiq. (But let's be honest, some of these choices should probably be more carefully considered anyway....)

And the number one way you know you are CrossFit LEGIT....

1. You chose your vacation desitinations based on their proximity to a CrossFit affiliate. You also actively plan your vacation activities around their workout schedule so you can still hit four workouts per week.

Well there you have it... are YOU LEGIT? ;)


benweger said...


Tanya said...

Your top 20 is motivational...

Lord knows I need some motivation right now.

I also like that you use CF as a dating screening service. Maybe you should start a part time job with a website...filter all those fakers outta there.

Though I also think you may have spring fever teacher disease because this post took a lot of time to compose. Procrastination from true activities is a hallmark of this disease.

georgia said...

Love it, Katie! Now...back to work! Thanks for reminding me to Rest Later :)

keturah said...

Keep going Katie, I think you'll reach the top 100 soon. I must add that now while walking, I say to my self "chest up, torso straigth, look up". Before CF I used to walk with my head down, hoping one day I'll find a million dollars. Now, I will see it falling before it hits the ground, that way I'm sure to grab a hold of a few bucks. CF has added proper posture to my every day life.