Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Top 25 Ways You Know If You Are LEGIT CrossFit...

Alright, so I posted this the other day, and I was up to 20. But I can't help it. Things just keep happening to me and I just need to keep adding to the list. I don't think #1 will change at all. THAT still cracks me up, but I have one that might take the #2 spot so we'll have to see. If you're having a look for the first time, enjoy. If this is your second time visiting, welcome back... enjoy the added madness.

So per my c*ck block blog, we now all know that there are faux CrossFitters among us. Oh yes, they walk among us, talk like us, might look like us, perhaps even work out with us. But they are not true CrossFitters. Oh no. They boast, they brag, they claim to "kill" workouts. But they are not true CrossFitters. They are not LEGIT. They are content with their things the way they are... never striving to push themselves to that ultimate limit. So, in case you think that you may have spotted an imposter moving amongst you... here are some sure fire ways that you can tell them apart. A REAL CrossFitter will probably answer yes to many, if not all of these. A faux CrossFitter... well, need I say more? If you suspect someone is not fo' real... first contact the proper local CrossFit authorities and let them know that they have a CrossFit impersonator on their hands...then, if you know that they can't answer yes to any of these... feel free to kick them in the head and then duct tape some weights to their hands. Then tell 'em I said, "PONY UP!"

So here we go... the new and improved top 25 ways you know you are legit CrossFit.

25. Due to all your CrossFit bruises, you find yourself making comments like, "It's a good thing I don't have a boyfriend 'cause he'd swear I was cheating on him."

24. You know how many CrossFitters it takes to screw in a light bulb. (3...1 to screw it in, 1 to count their reps, and 1 to photograph it.)

23. You come up with random questions like, "If CrossFit were a superhero, what super power would it have?"

22. You find yourself speaking about CrossFit as if it were a real person.

21. You understand what WOD, AMRAP, and all the other CrossFit acronyms mean.

20. You're boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse refuses to hold your hand because of your calluses. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse may also at some other point have asked you to stop rubbing their arm, back, shoulder, etc. because your calluses were scratching them.

19. While looking online to buy CrossFit toys for home, you burst into laughter when you find that the site you are looking at recommends that a women start with a "challenging" 15lb kettlebell, while men work with a 35.

18. You are on a first name basis and regularly hang out with Angie, Fran, Helen, Grace, Nancy, Elizabeth, Cindy, Karen, and all the other ladies.

17. After listening to you describe your workouts, your family and friends have suggested that you seek psychiatric treatment.

16. The laundry pile in your room is so rank it could probably stand up and walk out on its own.

15. After being injured doing your workout, you recruit people to CrossFit while they exmine you in the ER.

14. You talk about CrossFit so much that your friends and family are not 100% sure you have not joined a mysterious new occult.

13. You don't count reps if you don't get your chest to the deck, or your chin over the bar.

12. You're so beefed up that your instructor has to buy heavier kettlebells just for you.

11. The Zone requires you to hit the grocery store so often that all the cashiers know you by first name.

10. You've kipped yourself off a bar.

9. You've called in sick to work because you busted through an epic the day before and now can't walk/lift your arms/move.

8. You can no longer attend church because it interferes with your Sunday workouts. (not to mention CrossFit and Pukie are your gods now)

7. You get upset if the WOD DOESN'T make you sweat so much that you are forced to change your shirt halfway through your workout. (Visit Rick at Crossfit Alamo for more on this one... ;) )

6. To you, the "Filthy Fifty" does not carry any sexual innuendo or reference someone's age.

5. You use CrossFit for dating advice.

4. You have been caught telling eight year olds (spouses, your own children, or fellow coworkers) to "Rest Later" and get their work done NOW. There's plenty of time for rest when it's finished!

3. While at the bar with your friends you debate whether or not you should take your next shot because you don't have a string cheese in your pocket for the block of protein you need to balance with the block of carbs in your shot of tequila/JD/Hennesey/Hypnotiq. (But let's be honest, some of these choices should probably be more carefully considered anyway....)

2. When your boss pulls a surprise added shift to your schedule that requires you to work a double and would require you to miss a planned CrossFit hero workout, you immediately plan to show up late so you can hit the workout anyway. You hit the workout and pay a $15 shower fee at the gym before going to work, all so you can hit Daniel. In the hurry to shower and get to work, you realize in your rush out of the house, you forgot a towel, so you are forced to drip dry/dry yourself with your sweat drenched clothes so you can manage to only be a half hour late to work. All for the love of Daniel.

And the number one way you know you are CrossFit LEGIT....

1. You chose your vacation desitinations based on their proximity to a CrossFit affiliate. You also actively plan your vacation activities around their workout schedule so you can still hit four workouts per week.

Well there you have it... are YOU LEGIT? ;)


georgia said...

#2 is great but I love #25. I always warn E that he better be super duper sweet to me, especially in public, or I'll start showing people my bruises and they'll think the worst. bwahahahaha! ;)

Adrienne said...

HILARIOUS! I love the addition of MC Hammer. Can you still do the "2 Legit to Quit" thing with your fingers.. Is there a way to create a CFOT workout to that one?

Katie said...

LOL... Adrienne, be careful what ideas you give Jerry. ;)