CrossFit Connections: Your dating application is here...

If CrossFit ran a dating service...

CrossFit Connections
Welcome to CrossFit Connections! Here at CrossFit Connections we want everyone to find their perfect match, who is of course, a CrossFitter, because we know that they are, if they are a legit CrossFitter, usptanding people, and can’t possibly be severely datingly handicapped. So, help us find your perfect CrossFit SO by filling out our simple questionaire. Oh, and by the way, the application process is for time. 3-2-1- GO! (This is a test and a part of the application process in itself. Don’t stress though…)

Basic Information
Last Name:
First Name:
Middle Initial:
Date of birth:
Sex: Y/N
Sex: M/F
Height:
Weight:
Eye color:
Can you provide a photocopy of your dental records? Y/N
Can you provide a photocopy of your recent (5 years worth) of tax returns? Y/N
Hometown:
Mother’s maiden name:
Would a background check bother you? Y/N
Can we speak with your parents? Y/N
Current living situation (please circle one): Alone I have a roommate or two I am stuck in the hell that is my parents’ house
How many days a week do you CrossFit?

Your General Information and Knowledge
What is your Fran time?
Without looking, name at least 5 girl workouts.
How many heroes can you list?
What is your CrossFit total?
Who founded CrossFit?*
*If you cannot answer this question, please don’t leave the questionaire with the secretay. Simply leave the facility immediately, and do it quickly because we’re going to chase after your ass for being a faux CrossFitter.
Do you attend church regularly and worship a god other than Pukie?
How much Kool-aid do you regularly keep stored in your house?
How many times have you and Pukie had the opportunity of meeting?
What is your max chin up number?
What CrossFit toys do you currently have in your car? (Circle all that apply to you)
Rings Med Ball Ab Mat Kettlebell
Dumbbells Running shoes Rope Paralettes
Do you wear gloves on Oly lifting days?*
*If you answered yes to this question, please stop the questionaire and return it to the secretary. You may then exit the facility. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
Can you provide us with a photo of at least one torn blister and at least one CF injury due to barbell, plyo box, or other assorted CF mishaps?
How many rounds can you do during Cindy?
Can you do a muscle up, handstand push up, or ring dips?
Are you currently “In the Zone?”
Do you find yourself doing things in your daily life for time or doing as many things as possible in 20 minutes? Please cite specific examples.
How many hours do you spend per day on the Main Site or your affiliate blog?
Do you have your own CrossFit blog?
Do you ACTUALLY have any interests OTHER than CrossFit?
Have you ever done a workout on your own just because you liked the name?
Have you ever kipped yourself off a bar?
Do you speak about CrossFit as if it is a real person?
How often do you mention that you spent the morning with the girls?
While at the bar, have you ever created drunken CrossFit workouts on bev naps?
Do you think you kick the WOD’s ass everyday?*
*If you answered yes to that question, mother f’er you better get your ass out of here.

Essay
For the next portion of your application, you are going to be required to write an essay. Please read the following topic and respond as you see fit.
If CrossFit were a real person and had to fight Chuck Norris, who would win?

Physical Test
After we have read your answers to our short questionaire, if we deem that you are not a faux CrossFitter, and we actually think you might make a good SO for someone, we’ll call you for your PT. But don’t worry, it’ll be a quick little workout, just so we can figure out if you lied your butt off on your application. It should only take about an hour. We’ll call you to set up your appointment.

Thank you for your application! We look forward to laughing at it and then trying to match you up.